#1
Untitled

Beginning at neutral,
clueless where to stand
no choice raised by
christs right hand man,
Brain washed into lecture,
and having one desire,
to serve the lord and kiss the cross,
avoiding satans fire,
must not sin or disobey,
or ill have a one way pass,
to satans realm the evil lair
unless I kiss gods ass
Cleansed by holy baptism
Inside the house of jesus,
Pointless commandments waste your youth
Dont know how to decease this
<Not exactly complete>


Irresistable Bloodlust

Drool with blood,
My sharpened stud,
Is hungry for flesh stay out its path

Controlling Me,
I cannot see
Think precisely or you shall face its wrath.

Slaying the first thing to sight,
In front behind me left or right,
Ignorant to what or who it is,
I will prevail it shall not live

No remorse for your suffering,
To torture you I must,
Just another victim of
Irrestible Bloodlust

Every being is my prey
Everything shall rot and decay
Left this field with only me,
Spirits rise and i must flee

Ghosts of war now seek revenge,
My soul they wish to take,
Victim of Vengeance
Im burned at the Stake.

Slaying the first thing to sight,
In front behind me left or right,
Ignorant to what or who it is,
I will prevail it shall not live

No remorse for your suffering,
To torture you I must,
Just another victim of
Irrestible Bloodlust

Opinions and thoughts appreciated.
#4
i think its great writing, maybe some more grouping would work better though you know? like a couple verses and a chorus. unless im missind something and being retarded

EDIT: im just curious, why do you like this style?
#5
Thanks for the great wriritng,
Yes lol the second one has a chorus and bridge i didnt label it dumb me >.< lol

Well, Im good at it, and
im influenced by slayer,
one of my favorite bands, and you know THEIR writing
im working on writing more emotional lyrics though,
just to be decent all around
Last edited by ShowNoMercy616 at Sep 1, 2006,
#6
I'm atheist, but do you think people would find the 1st one kind of racist? I don't know lol. I like the point of it though, if I understood it right lol, being raised into a religion that you consequently decide you don't really wanna be part of? lol I dunno, some lines flowed really well and the rhyming wasn't forced at all, well written I must say.

Second one, a bit too dark for me lol, coming from someone who can't really stand heavy music lol, I'd rather put some Blink on lol, but again well written, although I think the first one is actually written a bit better, some of the stanzas didn't really flow too well in my mind sorry.

anyway crit for crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=425705
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#7
ah i gotcha lol
its always great to be at least decent in everything so if your asked to do something or just want to, your ready.

if i were you id write a couple things about stuff thats happened in your life (im assuming you dont kill people) you should be able to show more emotion in things you feel strong about in your life. i look forward to reading your future songs
#8
Thanks, well hey, christians preist to me,
so i can preach anticrhist to them
Yes im an athiest too.lol.

Hah i udnerstand, i used to be a fan of blink ya true,
theyre hard to flow with,
i forgot to focus on that part too much on lyrics >.<
sure
#9
Quote by thatgu1targuy
ah i gotcha lol
its always great to be at least decent in everything so if your asked to do something or just want to, your ready.

if i were you id write a couple things about stuff thats happened in your life (im assuming you dont kill people) you should be able to show more emotion in things you feel strong about in your life. i look forward to reading your future songs



Ill spost one up as soon as i spew it up man i appreicate that
keepa close eye on the forums im coming up with one soon
#11
I say alot? lol, ahh that's because I usually have a lot to say very opinionated I am indeed, gotta' love it
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#13
lol haha sorry, it's 4:41am and my contacts need taking out... lol. and yes I say lol a lot, i don't know why
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