#1
I'm trying to write something special
My intention is to create a power metal song that creates a clear image or war

I dont mean an image as a descriptive peice, i would like to try and create something that is almost hypnotic. so it shows both the beauty of what war once stood for while creating images of the truth of war.

I have an intro riff that i wrote for guitar. and the vocals for this intro need to be spoken very softly to create an almost trance-like image. here it goes

Sleep rests eternal
The drowzy haze and clouds
Barely seeing the cannon fodder
They march in time to my lazy breaths
and the numb rythm of rapid repeating screams
as my comrades fall to the dust of the departed souls
degrading the power of the regimental loyalties
destruction of the memory of thousand trained hands
the hands of war open
as the breaths become slow and deep
in a futile attempt to spare lives, if only for a few seconds
the blood dries in the sun and stains the sand only for a second
but the stained hands last an eternity it seems
can never forget the men killed
can never forget those so close, departed
the last trace of life leaves
and the stain forgotten once again.


After this the songs pace increases into powerful riffs.
can some1 help me create an image of war to fit the pace, and to fit the intro because i'm finding it extremely difficult
StueyALBB
#2
You've captured quite a lot about war.You captured feeling of war and the sun and such (well done), But you could make the intro to do with guns and bombs. So that we (the listeners) could really understand. Make it powerful because guns and bombs are powerful objects.

So nothing like guns go bang..and they shoot people.

um try something like

The smoke exits the gun like the breath we exhale on a winters eve,
The bombs ignite like a firework in the sky..

im really not in a creative mood today but I think you get the idea.
#3
Thanks
the into needs to be like that because of the slower style and the references to sleep it makes it easier to create a stronger image in a persons mind.
This song is being aimed at the subliminal levels without puttin subliminal messaging into the music.

Descriptions of guns and bombs, or even swords and samurai (for historical based verses) will come a bit later. as each verse is going to tell a story of a single soldiers final battle.

so far from the riffs iv written it has 5 verses to be written. and the song will finish at around 12 to 15 minutes long.
StueyALBB
#5
wow, no cliche parts in it at all well done lol, you've achieved what you wanted to do with the intro, I imagined it almost to be spoken to me, really good, wide vocabulary and you put the words in all the right places, well done
<3<3