#1
Alright. These are the first decent lyrics I've written in a while, IMO, and I need some crit.

A Phenominal Grasp of the Obvious

Trapped by familiar faces
I travelled through darkness
Eyes rendered useless
If sight is a security

Is all I've come to know
Becoming a merciless maze again?
How can I follow without question
Or move without sight?

This alien is who I am
Who I choose to be
When will it be grasped
That you will never change me?

This is what I am,
Enlightened by apathy
With a distorted perception?
You're ****ing killing me

In this search for more
I've reached this road's end
But I will resist
Until your control is dead


This was based on a strange experience from the other night. My friends took me to a Christian youth group (I'm a Catholic), and I felt like they were trying to frighten people into being religious. They even went so far as to imply that I'm walking off a cliff in life because I have doubts about my religion! It actually angered me, and that's not all that easy to do.

Ah, well, yeah, that's my explanation for it sounding a bit emo.
Quote by ShredtoBed
Dude.
The gore of killing animals is supposed to scare you out of eating meat.
That and drop Q tuning with pig squeels


#2
Quote by Panasonic Youth
Alright. These are the first decent lyrics I've written in a while, IMO, and I need some crit.
And crittage you shall recieve

A Phenominal Grasp of the Obvious

Trapped by familiar faces
I travelled through darkness
Eyes rendered useless
If sight is a security
Those last two lines are genius. You've left it open for interpritation (sp), and i love it so much. Excellent.

Is all I've come to know
Becoming a merciless maze again?
How can I follow without question
Or move without sight?
Not sure with this one, the first two lines confused me. But it went together well.

This alien is who I am
Who I choose to be
When will it be grasped
That you will never change me?
I liked this one. Refusing to be changed. Defiant.

This is what I am,
Enlightened by apathy
With a distorted perception?
You're ****ing killing me
Not sure you needed to " *** " there. Sometimes swearing can bring down a song, show its immaturity. But other times, it is entirely relvant.

In this search for more
I've reached this road's end
But I will resist
Until your control is dead
The first two lines were good. The second two repeating something that had already been said. There are two ideas in the one stanza here, maybe turn it into two, or better incorperate the two.



I loved the title of the song. Sweet as. Maybe a distinct chorus, or making some of those stanzas longer. Good song. Especially the first stanza. Crit my latest? Link in sig.