#1
Well, here's a pretty morbid song I wrote just the other day. I want to take this to the band, but I'm not sure if it's good enough for me to start circulating it through the band. I'd like to get your opinion. What to change, what sounds good, etc. Thanks.

My Purpose


I died so long ago

Never will I suffer again

These scars youve branded into my skin

No longer hold the pain they once held

The pain I once felt

You never once thought how felt before

Whats so different when youre running for your life?

Your lies can no longer be heard

When Im done sawing off your ****ing tongue

And cautorized that wound you call a mouth


1 Chrous:

Ill give you the curse that ate away at my head

Like battery acid pulsing through your veins

Youll decay until youre dead

You'll reap only what you've sewn

I'll destroy all you've ever known



2 Verse:

Cram your sins down your throat

Do you see how hard it is to breathe,

With my fingers wrapped around your neck?

Youre desperate to get free

But no matter how hard you struggle

Youll never escape me

Ill stomp my foot into your throat

Just like you did with my sanity

You will drown in your own blood

So youll know how Ive felt for so long



2 Chrous:

Ive got the upper hand

You're weak and pathetic

Im keeping my mind

And taking back my soul

You'll reap only what you've sewn

I'll destroy all you've ever known



Bridge:

Could I really kill the one that made me, what I am?

**** that, I dont need you

I don't need the **** that you put me through

Ive taught myself well

Ive benefited from this

I love what Ive become

And youre going love hell



Bridge 2:

Filled with disgust

As I see exactly what you've done to me

Plead for your meaningless, worthless life

On your knees



Outro:

As your eyes roll back inside your head

I find my smile fades away

Im left empty

It seems that my purpose has finally been fulfilled
The only ones who see the end of war, are those who die from it
#2
woh man thats some freaky **** u got there i can see if thats just made up and i do see the meaning but i hope u dnot really feel like that....any way sweet song ...i dont know if it was such a good idea puting it for people to take so easily..but yeah
#4
Nice song you got here. It was very dark and very well written. You should definitely show this to your bandmates. And thanks for the crit.
#5
Well, NOtrab, I honestly do feel that way sometimes. You'd just have to know the story behind it, that's all. Besides, even if I feel like that it doesn't mean I'm actually going to do it, but I appreciate your concern. Don't want to end up in jail cause I killed someone. At any rate, I appreciate the comment.

As for you, themarsvolta, thanks. I thought the lines were a bit choppy at some points in the song, but I'll take you word for it.

Thanks again guys.
The only ones who see the end of war, are those who die from it