#1
A wise man I read when I was young said nothing's so stable as the setting sun
Except, perhaps, the new born light
At morning's break (or death of night).
For Man was born, lived and died
Ten thousand days of "set" and "rise".
Ten thousand generations on,
The sun will set and rise anon.

A wise man I met in days of youth passed on to me, and I to you
The oceans are the only ones to see the Earth's first rising sun
In fire and the smoky haze from volcanos in the forming days.
Yet through a million rising tides
Last sunbeams still on oceans glide.

I am now an old sage too, and found these words to be too true
Suns will rise and suns will set
And man grows old, and man forgets
The sun has seen the Man's star rise
And burns long after his demise--

Ten thousand generations on
The sun will rise and set, anon.
#2
Great stuff.

Not that I've commented on one of your pieces yet, but if I remembeer rightly you had a superb use of flow in one of them, somehting like "I run" or something. Anyway, your flow here was superb, especially in the first stanza where it was spot on, a sort of dreamlike feel it was that good.

I don't think I have any complaints about this piece, except that I wanted the second stanza to flow just as nicely, but I think the first line or two of that could be reworded, personally I would've liked to have seen the flow and rhythm of the piece continue right the way throughout.

So, great stuff, I'll look forward to reading more of yours to come.

Even though I didn't give much help, I couldn't anyway it was a good piece, could you take a look at my latest please, it can be found in my sig. Many thanks.

Jamie
#3
Heh, I know I've commented on this piece before. Did you revamp it or something?

OK, just found and checked the old version, this one's shorter. I think it's an improvement.