#1
Ok guys..I went for a metal tone this time and I think it turned out well. Tell me what you think. Crit 4 Crit as usual


Don't Let Me Inside

The greatest moments,
were left untold,
when she left me,
out to die in the cold,
i was focused on something,
that seemed so close,
i reach to grasp it,
but nobody knows........

If I return,
before its to late,
Dont let me inside,
work tonight to remain safe,(2x)

Solo 1

My evil ways left you corrupted,
and your heart a crimson mess,
with this hipnosis we shall,
become the very best,
try to escape from these chains,
and you won't have to sacrifice,
BECAUSE......

If I return,
before its to late,
Dont let me inside,
work tonight to remain safe,(2x)

Solo 2

If I return,
before its to late,
Dont let me inside,
work tonight to remain safe,(2x)


Ok guys here are some notes...The first verse is sang softly with some lightly distorted power chords behing the vocals. Once you get to the first chorus, it remains heavy chords in Dropped-D tuning. Please Crit..Let me hear your comments good or bad.thanks
My gear:
1982 Peavey Falcon
2004 Les Paul
2006 Peavey Transtube
2007 Youngblood 100w cab
2002 Dean Playmate Bass
2002 Dean Bassola
#2
The greatest moments,
were left untold,
when she left me,
out to die in the cold, sounds good
i was focused on something,
that seemed so close,
i reach to grasp it,
but nobody knows........maybe seems forced, its hard i know, specially on ABAB, but last line seemed just a little, but then again its alright... i dont know, work on making it seem natural. but cool lones anyway

If I return,
before its to late,
Dont let me inside,you know this is really good, it just...
work tonight to remain safe,(2x)that i dont get, sorry, explain it maybe i'll like it then...

Solo 1

My evil ways left you corrupted,
and your heart a crimson mess,
with this hipnosis we shall,
become the very best, again, feels forced, and this time the previous lines didnt make up for it...
try to escape from these chains,
and you won't have to sacrifice,this is alright
BECAUSE......and then you only say becouse...

If I return,
before its to late,
Dont let me inside,
work tonight to remain safe,(2x)

Solo 2

If I return,
before its to late,
Dont let me inside,
work tonight to remain safe,(2x)overall, i didnt dislike it, just a few things, but good job...

please look at mine, latest is chapter 3 in the sig.