#1
This is my first song so its probaly not that good. Im only 12 so i got a low vocabulary. I dont have a name for it. Im pretty nervous posting this lol. Please post any comments to help.

(verse one)
flip the coin
heads or tails
It's your last chance
to get out of here

Reach the sky
or prepare to die
your only hope
has no reply

(chorus)
you swallowed
more than you could chew
now your chocking
and cant get thourgh

i say
its what you deserve
all the hate
leaves you at the curve

(verse 2?)
in the holes
of the earth
time ticks by
and still you cry

no one there
to help, but me
what you give
is what you receive

(chorus)
you swallowed
more than you could chew
now you chocking
and cant get through

i say
its what you deserve
all the hate
leaves you at the curve

PLEASE HELP ME?
#3
Quote by Lucky Charms

This is my first song so its probaly not that good. Im only 12 so i got a low vocabulary. I dont have a name for it. Im pretty nervous posting this lol. Please post any comments to help.

(verse one)
flip the coin
heads or tails
It's your last chance
to get out of here
Very bland. It's a little too straight forward. Spice it up with some nice heavy words. And its cliche too.

Reach the sky
or prepare to die
your only hope
has no reply
Better than that first tidbit but it still needs the same things as the first. It's just too bland to be anything good.
(chorus)
you swallowed
more than you could chew
now your chocking
and cant get thourgh

i say
its what you deserve
all the hate
leaves you at the curve
Swallowed more than you can chew? Cliche. And spell check is good too. It makes you look like you put more effort into it. And really the whole second part is just lines that people have heard before.

(verse 2?)
in the holes
of the earth
time ticks by
and still you cry

no one there
to help, but me
what you give
is what you receive
The first part of verse 2 is just vague and unneccesary really. It just throws out what flow is there. It's all still bland and cliche.

(chorus)
you swallowed
more than you could chew
now you chocking
and cant get through

i say
its what you deserve
all the hate
leaves you at the curve

PLEASE HELP ME?

Okay so I understand this is your first song. It has pretty much all the same problems I had back with my first. Everything in it has been used before in some context. Also, you need to throw words in there that people dont use in normal vocabulary. It really gives your piece an extra edge. You also use a lot of bland rhyming schemes. Mix it up sometimes. You know like ABAB or ABCAB or somethin like that. You should also check out the lyrics tips thread. You can learn some great stuff there. If you ever need anything else just PM me.