#1
hey everyone. im new to writing songs so dont atack me tooo much lol. well anyays this is my work in progress, its for my bnd to play. its not a hardout serious song, but there is a point to it lol

any advice would be great thanks

I dont need a gun to shoot you down,
I dont need a sword to cut you up.
Ive got two hands and mighty big feet,
If you come near me thats all ill need.

Run away from me,
Stay away from me,
Watch out im dangerous

I wont think twice when i see you,
I wont hold nack when im around you.
You better find a place to hide,
Someplace somewhere that i cant see.

Run away from me,
Stay away from me,
Watch out im dangerous


well thats all i got for now. tips would be great thanks!!
#2
This was pretty cool. i liked the bit

I dont need a gun to shoot you down,
I dont need a sword to cut you up.


because, they end in exact opposite words. it would be cooler if you could do the same for the second verse, as i find the repetition of 'you' isn't too appealing. i might say, this isn't a masterpiece, but it is a solid step upwards

please crit mine if you don't mind...'pale barf'

the link is in the sig
#3
hey thanks for ur reply man. yeh i see ur point in the second verse, ill think up something to go there,

mayb something along the lines of..

if i trap you theres no getting out,
surrounding you ill box you in.

just a quink one off the top of my head.