#1
my mind, it feels so down,
it talks the the air and i feel alive,
but when when it finds that theres nothing there,
it breaks down, falls and cries,

(chorus)
my hearts still grey from the battle,
my mind still weeps from the battle,
praps its hard for you to see,
praps what matters only matters to me,

flash-backs, spark old things,
old things used to knock on my door,
but the old things got caught in a trap,
and now i talk the the weirdest of them all,

(outro)
will you be,
singing the same old song.
strumming the same old thing,
in the cold?
Originally posted by tylerishot
There is no reason that taking advantage of a drunk chick is acceptable. You can, however, beat them up, and tell them they fell down the stairs.
Last edited by jakecarter at Sep 5, 2006,
#2
my mind, it feels so down,
it talks the the air and i feel alive,
but when when it finds that theres nothing there,
it breaks down, falls and cries,

It's slightly dull, although i like the concept. the rhyme between cires and alive is awsome. flow is good, just overall needs a bit spice.


my hearts still grey from the battle,
my mind still weeps from the battle,
praps its hard for you to see,
praps what matters only matters to me,

i suggest you change this a bit. i suggest you don't make the last 2 lines rhyme. not only is the rhyme between see and me kinda dull, but it also seems forced. chill, man, i mean it doesn't even need to rhyme at all!

flash-backs, spark old things,
old things used to knock on my door,
but the old things got caught in a trap,
and now i talk the the weirdest of them all,

cool...i liked this...just tweak a little to make the flow just a bit better.

(outro)
will you be,
singing the same old song.
strumming the same old thing,
in the cold?

pretty good way to end it.

overall, i like it, only needs some slight adjustments i noted above...

verdict: 7/10i'd appreciate if you crit some of mine..the links are in the sig...thanks