#1
Coming out of a major slump and a massive writers block, I finally wrote another song. This one is about my best friend being torn between the girl he says he loves and his band.

I was inspired to write this after a conversation we had and him getting really depressed.

---------------------------------------------------------------

She stole the beating heart, right from his chest
We stole the everlasting ghost, his everlasting soul
And now there?s only one dice
One dice LEFT TO ROLL

?Is Lady Luck on my side?
Or is this ?Bullet to the Brain? Syndrome??
Since when was Russian Roulette,
A one man show?

Grab the dice and let?em roll
6 dots up
So let?s begin to load

Decisions based on chance
Has never been his thing
When an ultimatum?s given
He?ll be torn between two dreams

?Is Lady Luck on my side?
Or is this ?Bullet to the Brain? Syndrome??
Since when was Russian Roulette,
A one man show?

Grab the dice and let?em roll
6 dots up
So let?s begin to load

Five empty destinies
With one harsh reality
Five silent clicks go by (five silent clicks)
Then the sound of a......
(Gunshot)

Crit 4 Crit, may take me awhile to get to it due to school but I will get to it. Just post a link.
Last edited by fivestarnothing at Sep 6, 2006,
#2
before i take a proper look at this (which i will - like it alot) can i ask what genre you plan this to be, and whats sung, spoken, whispered, screamed?

Help how i will interpret it.....

(if you dont know ill jsut put how i would have it sung)
Quote by the bartender
^ this man knows his stuff.
#3
She stole the beating heart, right from his chest
We stole the everlasting ghost, his everlasting sould
And now there?s only one dice
One dice LEFT TO ROLL

very cool, very original. the dice in it is unique...i don't think i've seen it anywhere before. good!

?Is Lady Luck on my side?
Or is this ?Bullet to the Brain? Syndrome??
Since when was Russian Roulette,
A one man show?

sweet, again, original, and i can tell that i'm nailed to your work atm .

Grab the die and let?em roll
6 dots up
So let?s begin to load

this part is alright, but it's not the standard of the rest.

Decisions based on chance
Has never been his thing
When an ultimatum?s given
He?ll be torn between two dreams

again, sweet. nothing wrong i see here.

Five empty destinies
With one harsh reality
Five silent clicks go by (five silent clicks)
Then the sound of a......
(Gunshot)

this is really cool...

overall, i really enjoyed this piece. you had good imagery, it sounded personal, i loved the concept, and i liked the structure of this...ALOT. you managed to keep my attention throughout the song, and not all songs can achieve that. great job!

verdict: 9/10

i'd much appreciate it if you crit my work...the links are in my sig...thanks
#5
Atomic Llama-I wrote this after an odd The Sound Of Animals Fighting EP kick. It's melodic in place but there are several spot that are screamed.

Thank you very much Zwound I am glad you liked it and I will get to one of your songs very soon

Thank you as well AcsticRckr89.
#6
Quote by fivestarnothing



She stole the beating heart, right from his chest
We stole the everlasting ghost, his everlasting soul
And now there?s only one dice
One dice LEFT TO ROLL
Great, love it

?Is Lady Luck on my side?
Or is this ?Bullet to the Brain? Syndrome??
Since when was Russian Roulette,
A one man show?
Also love this bit - i imagine it done where its sund at first but by the end of the ine it it screamed.

Grab the dic e and let?em roll
6 dots up
So let?s begin to load
Again is good, and works well for a chorus

Decisions based on chance
Has never been his thing
When an ultimatum?s given
He?ll be torn between two dreams
This bit i think needs looking at. Doesnt really fit with the roulette/dice theme and seems like too much tought went into it. It reads as overwritten and forced. last line needs to be changed (add an extra sylabl to make it same as above line) and spuruce up the language in the first 2 lines. dont like the "his thing" bit

?Is Lady Luck on my side?
Or is this ?Bullet to the Brain? Syndrome??
Since when was Russian Roulette,
A one man show?

Grab the die and let?em roll
6 dots up
So let?s begin to load

Five empty destinies
With one harsh reality
Five silent clicks go by (five silent clicks)
Then the sound of a......
(Gunshot)
A great ending. I think of the last word being whispered in a break from the music then the final chord being played and let run after it





EDIT: isnt it dice not die?
Quote by the bartender
^ this man knows his stuff.
#7
Wow, Llama you actually pegged how we are working the music/vocals for the song. And I completely agree with you on the 2nd verse, I would like to keep the same concept of the message; just finding a way to tie it in with Vegas/Gambling theme is posing to be a bit difficult.
#8
i'd have to say dude, the last stanza was pretty nice man. The "bullet to the brain syndrom" hell ya, that was good.
I guess you gotta write about politics to not be emo