#1
Take a look , leave a comment, get a crit.
Hey everyone, i fought with myself on this piece because i didnt know how to post it, i thought id make a song or poem, but that didnt work as i seem to be in a writing slump, so here it is, my personal journal, raw, unedited and uncensored, for all of you infamous Ugers to comment on.


Thursday August 31, 2006 8:06 p.m.

Natalie's coming Home! Its only been 2 weeks, but she is, her mom called tonight and told me. She's coming this Sunday. She said that the people at the place told her that Natalie just had a moment of weakness. I guess thats true, if you can call a night of anger and sadness and ecstacy a moment...


Friday September 1, 2006, 12:22 p.m.

We just got back from church youth group, and im torn, i dont listen in church, dont even want to go usually. But today, at the end, the pastor told us about confessing our sins, I can remember the note Natalie left me that night, but i can remember the pastor's words too, maybe not word for word, but im gonna write them here, so i wont forget.

"Only by confessing our sins can we gain forgiveness and redemption from all that we have done"

I dont know, this got to me, more than almost anything ever. I dont know why, i dont know why the fuck im making such a big fucking deal about one sentence that some pastor made that wasn't even said to me personally. But i am...


Saturday September 2, 2006 3:03 p.m.

So fucking nervous, she's coming today, im walking over to her house at 6:00 and gonna spend 3 hours with her and her mom, just a kind of reunion.


10:32 p.m.

Got back 20 minutes ago, had to tell my parents the way it went. I tried not to cry while i was talking to them, but its gotten a hell of a lot harder these past few weeks, ever since me and Natalie stopped at that one park, it seems like ive been on the verge of tears every other second. All in all, the night could have been worse, i got to Natalie's at 6:00, on time. When i got inside, things were almost the same as before, hugs, a laugh. Then we had dinner, pizza, just like we always had when things were okay, when we knew who and what we were. Then her mom left us alone, on purpose i think, but i cant write anymore now, i just noticed that i'm crying, strange, how naturally i can cry now, just writing down a memory.


Sunday, September 3, 2006 2:02 a.m.

I think i'm ready to write again, not like i could sleep tonight. After her mom left, we were alone, in her living room, next to each other on her couch, and we didn't say a word. Then i felt Natalie's shoulder trembling, and i realized, she was crying, and i was the fucking reason for it. Right then and there, i wanted to take a knife, a razor, anything, i wanted to gouge out every fucking emotion out of my chest, i didnt want to feel anything anymore. But i didnt, and here we were, leaning against each other, her crying, and me next to her, giving comfort with my being there, but then i noticed that she wasn't the only one crying, i was too. I dont know how long we sat there, crying, paths streaking down our cheeks, but it seemed like forever. I wanted to say i was sorry, i wanted to say everything i had meant to tell her over the past few weeks, like when Alex fell off his roof after a bird surprised him, or when Ben wrote "I love Negros" on the house of a Confederate Cowboy, but i couldn't get it out, all i could do was sit there. I left at nine o clock, we didnt even say a fucking word to each other, but i just checked my cell phone, she left me a message, here it is.

" We have to tell my mom."

Those words were the ones i never wanted to hear, the ones i knew would kill us, would destroy the last strand of trust that anyone had in us.



11:53 p.m.

We told her today, me and Natalie told her mom today, now i know why the words the pastor said that day hit me so hard, we were confessing our sins then, but we didnt have any hope of forgiveness. We told her this afternoon, ive seen my parents cry before, like when my grandpa died, but ive never seen any other adult cry, ever. Except in movies, but i know its fake, but to see her mom cry, just so openly, in front of me, i wanted to cry again, but i didnt, not in front of her, not when we had just kicked her in the stomach, almost literally. She kind of stumbled, almost crawled, out of the living room, into her bedroom. So then it was only me and Natalie again. I said that i had better leave, but Natalie stopped me she grabbed my arm, she looked me right in the eye, then she kissed me. I wanted to stop her, i wanted to push her away, even if the stench of alchohol wasn't on her breath, but i didn't, i COULDN'T. I knew this wasn't a kiss of friendship, it was too passionate, it WAS passion, and i knew this wasn't a drunken impulse, so why, as we stood in her doorway, did i feel the worst i had fucking felt in my whole fucking life, even worse than the last few weeks.
#2
ok man, i know first hand how passion can hurt, i respect you so much for telling your **** like it really is, like about tears and all that, sometimes i dont post song just becouse i say i cry in em. i really understand you man, im only 14 myself and know **** gets tough when youre really in love at that age and also what it feels like when she cries and its your fault...
great writing here...

you telling me youre story, ill tell you my story, (basiclly The Prophecy is my story) and something unexpected happened, so ima reaveal a lot more now

ill drop a link in here later

dont be hurting man, you love her she loves you, is there anything else?
#3
Wow beautiful writing, you got some serious balls for posting your inner most deepest secrets of your journal on the internet, for everyone and there grandma to read.

What can you say, it hurts dont it, i feel for ya.
Quote by unfathomable_bo
Well it isnt hard to bend a string that has the tension of a piece of well cooked spaghetti, especially when you have hands like goalkeeper gloves


My songs: (more to come) (C4C's)
Screams fell silent underneath the black sun
#4
Quite an interesting post you have here. I liek how it leaves the feeling of this secret could be anything.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#5
yeah thats what i was thinking, i mean, i didnt know if i should post my actual thoughts up here, but i always feel that posting up lyrics is a watered down version of your emotions, so ikind of figured this is the best way.
#6
not too much to say, but here goes

Thursday August 31, 2006 8:06 p.m.

Natalie's coming Home! Its only been 2 weeks, but she is, her mom called tonight and told me. She's coming this Sunday. She said that the people at the place told her that Natalie just had a moment of weakness. I guess thats true, if you can call a night of anger and sadness and ecstacy a moment...you sound excoited her, thats good


Friday September 1, 2006, 12:22 p.m.

We just got back from church youth group, and im torn, i dont listen in church, dont even want to go usually. But today, at the end, the pastor told us about confessing our sins, I can remember the note Natalie left me that night, but i can remember the pastor's words too, maybe not word for word, but im gonna write them here, so i wont forget.

"Only by confessing our sins can we gain forgiveness and redemption from all that we have done" dude i have no clue what you did

I dont know, this got to me, more than almost anything ever. I dont know why, i dont know why the **** im making such a big ****ing deal about one sentence that some pastor made that wasn't even said to me personally. But i am...yeah, thats how it works


Saturday September 2, 2006 3:03 p.m.

So ****ing nervous, she's coming today, im walking over to her house at 6:00 and gonna spend 3 hours with her and her mom, just a kind of reunion. ok, i didnt feel your feeling here too much but you said it (nervous) so...


10:32 p.m.

Got back 20 minutes ago, had to tell my parents the way it went. I tried not to cry while i was talking to them, yeah... i know...but its gotten a hell of a lot harder these past few weeks, ever since me and Natalie stopped at that one park, it seems like ive been on the verge of tears every other second. yep...All in all, the night could have been worse, i got to Natalie's at 6:00, on time. When i got inside, things were almost the same as before, hugs, a laugh. didn't that make you feel better? i guess we all feel things different.Then we had dinner, pizza, just like we always had when things were okay, when we knew who and what we were. ok, i guess, the situatin is very different, too Then her mom left us alone, on purpose i think, but i cant write anymore now, i just noticed that i'm crying, strange, how naturally i can cry now, just writing down a memory.yeah... i like how you worded "i can cry NOW," lke youve changed, thats cool, i feel that too


Sunday, September 3, 2006 2:02 a.m.

I think i'm ready to write again, not like i could sleep tonight. After her mom left, we were alone, in her living room, next to each other on her couch, and we didn't say a word. Then i felt Natalie's shoulder trembling, and i realized, she was crying, and i was the ****ing reason for it. Right then and there, i wanted to take a knife, a razor, anything, i wanted to gouge out every ****ing emotion out of my chest, i didnt want to feel anything anymore. like i said, that can be the worst thing ever, knowing its your fault...But i didnt, and here we were, leaning against each other, her crying, and me next to her, giving comfort with my being there, but then i noticed that she wasn't the only one crying, i was too. I dont know how long we sat there, crying, paths streaking down our cheeks, but it seemed like forever.dare i say it? ok i will, thats beautiful man, both crying... I wanted to say i was sorry, i wanted to say everything i had meant to tell her over the past few weeks, like when Alex fell off his roof after a bird surprised him, or when Ben wrote "I love Negros" on the house of a Confederate Cowboy, but i couldn't get it out, all i could do was sit there. I left at nine o clock, we didnt even say a ****ing word to each other, but i just checked my cell phone, she left me a message, here it is.

" We have to tell my mom." o ****

Those words were the ones i never wanted to hear, the ones i knew would kill us, would destroy the last strand of trust that anyone had in us.


11:53 p.m.

We told her today, me and Natalie told her mom today, now i know why the words the pastor said that day hit me so hard, we were confessing our sins then, but we didnt have any hope of forgiveness. We told her this afternoon, ive seen my parents cry before, like when my grandpa died, but ive never seen any other adult cry, ever. Except in movies, but i know its fake, but to see her mom cry, just so openly, in front of me, i wanted to cry again, but i didnt, not in front of her, not when we had just kicked her in the stomach, almost literally. She kind of stumbled, almost crawled, out of the living room, into her bedroom. So then it was only me and Natalie again. I said that i had better leave, but Natalie stopped me she grabbed my arm, she looked me right in the eye, then she kissed me. I wanted to stop her, i wanted to push her away, even if the stench of alchohol wasn't on her breath, but i didn't, i COULDN'T. I knew this wasn't a kiss of friendship, it was too passionate, it WAS passion, and i knew this wasn't a drunken impulse, so why, as we stood in her doorway, did i feel the worst i had ****ing felt in my whole ****ing life, even worse than the last few weeks.this is almost contradictory...

hope i commented the way you wanted me to...

i deleted my poem and posted a new one, hope u dont hate me for this but, will u crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=6757985#post6757985
#7
hell that was very touching
quite a read, shocked me a bit I must admit, can't come up with anything else to say right now.. Hope things get better for ya
the show must go on.