There was something about it, too many paralell minor thirds on short notes. And for some reason, i think you need to group your thoughts together, ya know? There is so much cluttered melodies, i think you have to think more realisticly about people's ability to learn so much material.

However, i really liked the transitions and overall effect of measures:

23-26 because the bass felt included,
31-34 the drums behind the euitars was really cool.
measure 40 - i don't know, the eigth note run just grabbed me, the atonality of it struck me as genius.

Keep it up, just group your melodies.

Crit for a crit?
4/4 is just so boring. <_<