#1
I sat down and wrote. this is what happened. crit for crit and all that...stuff...

This room is a hostel
The window provides a pretty view
And it's lonely in that bed
There's only room for one.

Why is a place so white
Filled with so much death?
Yet it's still a place of life
and unspoken regrets.

White washed walls
Perfect trim
Double doors
I can't walk in


|Alright complete BS but i felt like i had to post something since i haven't posted in a few weeks
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#2
BS...maybe. but freewrites can have more emotion to them sometimes because of their simplicity, if that makes sense. by their nature, youre writing what comes off the top of your head without sitting down, thinking about the structure or flow of a piece. theres no filter, so it's more honest. more real.

anyway, i liked it. it flowed really well
#3
I liked this further.

The imagery that you produced in each stanza really hit out at creating the bitterness I'm sure you meant to get across. Basically short and sweet, which is often the way lots of good stuff is. I especially liked the end.

I disagree with you about this being complete Business Studies.
#4
Thanks CJ and Phoebus. I repaid you both so. I'm probably going ot edit it in the next few days though so yeah
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#5
as soon as you used the word 'death' I really just wanted to press the back button and walk away. Like seriously, that word absalutely kills a piece for me (even though I use it and I am therefore an unoriginal hipocrite )

Besides that it was good, nice and simple and well executed. the last stanza was perfect for what you were trying to do and the rhyme there was also excellent... so ya, nothing else to say really. Good to see you back and posting!