#1
hey everyone this is my new song for my band. feel free to speak ur mind haha just dont be tooo harsh im fairly new to writing songs. Thanks in advance


I dont need a gun to shoot you down,
I dont need a sword to cut you up.
Ive got two hands and mighty big feet,
If you come near me thats all ill need.

Run away from me,
Stay away from me,
Watch out im dangerous.
Run away from me,
Stay away from me,
Watch out im dangerous

If I trap you theres no getting out,
surrounding you ill box you in.
You better find a place to hide,
Someplace somewhere that I cant find.

Run away from me,
Stay away from me,
Watch out im dangerous
Run away from me,
Stay away from me,
Watch out im dangerous

Its not my fault I cant control,
If I could stop myself I would.
I really want to but i just cant.
So get the **** out of my way.

Run away from me,
Stay away from me,
Watch out im dangerous.
Run away from me,
Stay away from me,
Watch out im dangerous.

Any advice would be great
#2
Hey mate, i would probuly have to hear the music to it firstly before i judge it but it seems really litteral and a bit childish in the nicest way possible. but i could be wrong, wot kind of genre is it?
MindFire!
#3
!!Quick crit!!
You'd maybe be better having the chorus go:
(run away) Run away from me
(stay away) Stay away from me
Watch out im dangerous

If you sing the "away" fast so it lasts aslong as a normal sylable, it comes to 6 syalables each line so will sound better
Quote by the bartender
^ this man knows his stuff.
#4
hey there guys

haha yeh daniel ( i take it ur daniel from ur name lol) i see where your comin from and yeh its prety lame haha. but im only 17 and im rubbish at english haha and my bands not really into deep and meaningfull stuff and they like so yeh its all gud. the genre is kinda like umm id say alternative/indie almost its kinda weird haha but thanks for ur help.

and to atomic lama, thanks for ur suggestion but what actually happens is that the music changes for the last line of each chorus (watch out im dangerous) so it all fits together. but i know its hard to crit without listening to it so thanks anyway!!
#6
well, it would be pretty good for some thrash metal =p
Quote by dogfennell
Buttseckscore?


sig worthy.