#1
Remove that mask
From your face and
Throw it away
Remove that mask
From your face and
Just throw it
Away.
Faker.
Fake.
Such a freaking fake.

We both know
This isnt
The real you
We both know
That this
Is an act
Liar.
Lie.
You're whole life's a life.

Step out of the shadows
And into the light.
Remove that mask
And toss it away.
Now we can see you.
After all these years
I can see your face.

Back into the shadows
I knew it wouldn't last.
On goes the mask
And again your lost.
Faker.
Fake.
Such a freaking fake.

Liar.
Lie.
You're living a lie.

Remove that mask
And show yourself.

You fake.
You lie.
Nothing is true.
#6
No offense meant to you Dart Guitarist, but this sounds like a song little kids would sing to posers. It doesn't reach out to me as a song from a mature writer, it reaches out to me as a song from a little, immature kid, imo. Again, I mean absolutely no offense to you, Dart Guitarist, but that is the vibe I'm getting off of your lyrics. Maybe they'd make more sense to me if I heard them with music. Sorry if I seem like an ass.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton
#7
No, its fine, I respect you much more than the others that have replied. I am happy you backed up what you said. Thanks.
#8
omg that was awful.

I could picture that as a death metal song.

Noone hears what your saying in death metal.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The reason its so bad is cuz its wicked cliche and you kinda just repeated the same thing over and over
Quote by BigFatSandwich
it took you 15 consecutive hours of practice to realize that playing guitar makes you better at playing guitar. congratulations.


Quote by snowbert
SMOKE UN-DER WATER!!!


#9
Yeah man, its been done to death by a million other bands before


Remove that mask
From your face and
Throw it away
Remove that mask
From your face and
Just throw it
Away.
Faker.
Fake.
Such a freaking fake.


The mask metaphor is one of the most cliched things you could have possibly used in this situation, and it doesnt help that you need three lines at the end to tell us the exact same thing in the exact same way.

We both know
This isnt
The real you
We both know
That this
Is an act
Liar.
Lie.
You're whole life's a life.


This verse was pretty damn bland. Yeah, it gets the point across, but the way it does it is so boring. theres no artistic flair and very little depth. you dont go into any specifics.

Step out of the shadows
And into the light.
Remove that mask
And toss it away.
Now we can see you.
After all these years
I can see your face.


Again, you use the mask metaphor, but its just so shallow. The shadows and light thing is another old cliche, and you dont even try to develop it. its just a throwaway comment, so nobodies going to remember it.

Back into the shadows
I knew it wouldn't last.
On goes the mask
And again your lost.
Faker.
Fake.
Such a freaking fake.


Again with the mask and the shadows. you just said exactly the same thing as in the last verse, but with very slightly different wording.

Liar.
Lie.
You're living a lie.

Remove that mask
And show yourself.

You fake.
You lie.
Nothing is true.


AGAIN with the damn mask. yet again, you bring nothing new to the table. not only is it the same thing that every other band has already said before, but its near enough the exact same thing you've been saying in your own song.

Jazz it up a bit. look for some new metaphors or similes (or at least work on the ones (two) that you have.
There is so much more you could do to improve it. develop a flow, chuck in some aliteration or interesting turns of phrase to make it a bit more interesting.
if i were you i would scrap this piece, write a new one on the same topic and actually dedicate a little time to not only giving it some depth, but making it personal to you. any fuax-angsty little holden caulfield in the world could have written this piece. the trick is to make it unique and personal to you yourself, otherwise whats the point??

I look forward to reading the rewrite.

peace out
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
Last edited by FunkasPuck at Sep 10, 2006,
#10
Quote by Dart Guitarist
No, its fine, I respect you much more than the others that have replied. I am happy you backed up what you said. Thanks.


Glad I could be of help to you. Keep writing!
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton
#11
i know its not the same exact thing but the most memorable lyric for me is "Step out of the shadows
And into the light."


but.........................................

the one set of lyrics i always remember in cowboys from hell is......"So out of the darkness and into the light"
it's not the same thing but idk for some random reason taht one peace reminds me of cowboys from hell


thats not a good thing at all taht and it does repeat way too much sorry man i just don't like it that much

and it does sound a little imature