#1
Crit 4 Crit:
Jammy said i broke a rule, but i checked and, after deleting my second this week, this becomes my second... just so you know...

A boy troubled not by a scarring childhood,
but by the boudaries that Time took, unfairly,
the liberty of creating,
and changing,
marring.

He dicided to rebel against Time itself,
and erased the child-like innocence from his eyes,
and brought within them a darkness,
and sadness,
dephtness.

As a punishment, Time created even more.
Finally, he decided this was a stupid fight,
and he closed his eyes, battled,
and rattled,
punished.

Until...

...he found her, someone to open those deep, enclosed eyes, and to understand their depht,
to redifine Love,
to redefy Time.
Last edited by AmplifySilence at Sep 8, 2006,
#3
Quote by AmplifySilence
Crit 4 Crit:
Jammy said i broke a rule, but i checked and, after deleting my second this week, this becomes my second... just so you know...

A boy troubled not by a scarring childhood,
but by the boudaries that Time took, unfairly,
the liberty of creating, and changing, marring.
Very decriptive in that i know whats going on here. nothing bad to say here.

He dicided to rebel against Time itself,
and erased the child-like innocence from his eyes,
and brought within them a darkness, and sadness, dephtness.
Im very in awe at this point. Just a good stanza overall. Lovin the three words at the end.

As a punishment, Time created even more.
Finally, he decided this was a stupid fight,
and he closed his eyes, battled, and rattled, punished.
I am really enjoying the plot so far. Dont really like the word stupid though. Personal opinion thing.

Until...

...he found her, someone to open those deep, enclosed eyes, and to understand their depht,
to redifine love,
to redefy time.
Just really good way to close. I could see more parts being added on to this. Im not really sure why I liked it so much but i just did. And thats a good thing.


Just really good. I liked the plot. It was probably my favorite part of this and the three word thing at the end of each stanza really holds it all together. 9/10
Could you check mine. New One in sig.