#1
the meaning is obvious...but please critique

No prayers




Standing on the pavement 11 years old and waiting,
For my father to return but that wont happen,
I waited for glances back to me,
But they were never received,

(chorus1)

So goodbye dad dont bother to write,
Dont bother to waste your breath on trying to relate to me cause I,
I wont be alright,
But I'll be the best I can and better than yourself alright,


And as for you I'll say no names.
But you stole something from me that I cannot replace,
I'm more than angry I'm a little destroyed,
I am nothing more than the aging ghost of a 4 year old boy,

(chorus2)

So goodbye man and I hope that you die,
And I hope that you rot where you are and you never make it out of there alive,
I won't be alright,
But I'll be the best I can and better than yourself alright,


You get no prayers from me,

(chorus3)

So goodbye dad dont bother to write,
Dont bother to waste your breath on trying to relate to me cause I,
I wont be alright,
But Ill be the best I can and better than yourself,
And goodbye man and I hope that you die,
And I hope that you rot where you are and you never make it out of there alive,
I wont be alright,
But Ill be the best I can and better than yourselves alright,
Last edited by cmart227 at Sep 8, 2006,
#3
Nice lyrics. nicely written. Just wondering..does this song have to do anything with your childhood...or just something that came to mind?
R.I.P Jerry Garcia (1945)-(1995)

In the winter of '65 we were hungry, just barely alive.

Confederate
#4
That seemed pretty harsh. Of course i like bitter lyrics. No real like flow or any lines or words that just pop out. Plus i dont think you should call some one man in a song. Just a personal opinion thing. and i also believe you shouldnt say anything along the lines of i hope you die if your gonna be so straight-forward with it. Maybe some more poetical type lines that kind of disguise the meaning but still puts it out there? Well could you check mine. New one in the sig.
#6
well thanks to all that read and responded, and i do know what you mean about not being so straigt forward, but we couldn't come up with another way to make it flow to the music i have the same way....but yea the song was written by me and a friend, and the first stanza is basically exactly whta happened to him in his childhood