#1
I wanna be in but i need to get out
Your lipstick on my jacket and your face when you pout
can't make me stay too long to ruin everything
when everything is wrong

and my mixtape, it hurts and aches so bad
but how hard can you take? will you break
down.....


my fate is on trial

my fate is on trial

i need to feel your warm wash over my skin
i need to feel you climb all over my skin

i need to be right under your skin--

the itch you can't scratch
#2
I think it should go more

They bite, and bite
and bite and bite and bite
Bite bite bite, bite bite bite

The Itchy and Scratchy show.


Other than that, I like it. Keep writing. You have a unique structure.
Gestating with all the other rats
Nurse said that my skin will need a graft I am of pockmarked shapes
The vermin you need to loathe
-The Mars Volta
#4
Actually it's.........

They fight, and bite,
And fight, and bite, and fight,
Fight, fight, fight,
Bite, bite, bite,
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!

or the Poochy version..........

They fight, and bite, and bark
And fight, and bite, and fight, and bark
Fight, fight, fight,
Bite, bite, bite,
woof, woof, woof
The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochy show!
Quote by Dirtydeeds468
People don't like Dave Mustaine because he created something that owned Metallica in just about every single aspect of thrash metal.


it's true
#5
Nope. It goes:

They fight, and bite,
And fight, and fight, and bite,
Fight, fight, fight,
Bite, bite, bite,
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!
#7
This wasn't as good as you're others, by a mile.

It just never hit me like you're other pieces have. The last two lines of the first stanza seemed like something you would have written when you first started writing, it just didn't look good.

It had nice ideas, but it just was not as good I was hoping it would be. Sory for the harsness, but this one from you left me a little disapointed.

Well, at least someone commented on the piece

Jamie
#9
This was good. I liked the lyrics a lot. It needs to be longer, though.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton