#1
Constructive criticism please...

"As The Flame Flickers And Dies"

Her head was an atomic bomb
Strike-anywhere matches in her eyes
She took the easy way out
I took the easy way in
Her smile cramping my deceit
It was too easy to see but too hard to notice
That she wasn?t here
The day I came home
She was lying in bed
In her casket nailed to a crucifix
Burying the moon in cocaine

That?s when it struck me
A bolt of lightning
Like a tattoo in the sky
Like the water in God?s eyes
The knot in his beard gives the weak ones
A reason to live
She told me she would be fine
She was going to a better place
Then stigmata hit me like a brass knuckle
Clearing the way
Of maggots feeding on her heart

It seemed like suicide
Was the only way out
Her sweat was always made of blood
Until the day she left this earth
All my sins were absolved
When bullets climbed down her throat
Like music to my tears
She always hated everything

I don?t think I tried hard enough
To satisfy
She rode the elevator home
I took the key to her mind
Her headache exploded in my hands
She?s not alone
We?re not alone

It seemed like suicide
Was the only way out
Her sweat was always made of blood
Until the day she left this earth
All my sins were absolved
When bullets climbed down her throat
Like music to my tears
She always hated everything

I don?t think I tried hard enough
To satisfy
She rode the elevator home
I took the key to her mind
Her headache exploded in my hands
She?s not alone
We?re not alone

We?re not alone

We?re not alone
That Cheap Fucking Smile Carries You To Bed

Those Lips Are Social Suicide But I Just Wanna See You Dead.
#2
Interesting lyrics. I can't figure out what your rhyme scheme is, though, as in some spots it doesn't seem to exist. I kinda like how you repeat two verses at the end, I haven't seen that before. Good job, but it might make more sense once you get the lyrics put to music.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton
#3
Eh it didnt really make much sense to me either and most of my friends asked me if i was high when i wrote it ( i wasnt, by the way) and i dont really have a rhyme scheme. i just put words wherever. anyways... is anyone else gonna post?
That Cheap Fucking Smile Carries You To Bed

Those Lips Are Social Suicide But I Just Wanna See You Dead.