#1
Hey all! Well here's a relatively short piece I've written during my writer's block (semi-writer's block?), I haven't written in a while. Please give me a crit, I would be more than happy to give you a crit back! Debating the title, it's between "Final Sanctuary" and "Final Trance". Either would be appropriate. Well, here you go...~
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Final Sanctuary

Mournful of the past
I need no change
only sacrifice
I have forgotten your word
(Forgetful my love)
and thickness, venom,
stands still in your veins
Parasite

Trapped in the dream hour that keeps me sane
I fear it will soon be ending
with your arms miraged around me
I imagine my final verse

My breath stiffens
dissolving my sight
I see only anything but reality
feeling my betrayal crawl (softly?) into your heart
I am emotionless
within this frame

Trance
Last Verse
Awake
The End.

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Alright, so please tell me what you think.
Crit for crit.

-Wahrheit Lied
I need a sig. :O!
#2
Sorry that you had writer's block. That sucks. But after reading this, it seems that you conquered it. This was a beautifully written song and I really enjoyed reading it. The wording you used gave it a sense of importance and made me feel like a was reading something that was truly great. As for the title, why not call it both? Anyways, nice job and keep it up.

Crit mine please?

The Lady of My Shrine
#3
Quote by themarsvolta
Sorry that you had writer's block. That sucks. But after reading this, it seems that you conquered it. This was a beautifully written song and I really enjoyed reading it. The wording you used gave it a sense of importance and made me feel like a was reading something that was truly great. As for the title, why not call it both? Anyways, nice job and keep it up.

Crit mine please?

The Lady of My Shrine


Alright, thank you much!
I think I will keep the dual titles - Why didn't I think of that?
I'll crit yours shortly.
Thanks again!^^

-Wahrheit Lied
I need a sig. :O!