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#121
How do you know when your sister's on her first period?

Because your dad's d ick tastes funny
Tool are awesome

PRS Tremonti SE
Behringer Ultra Metal / Zoom 505II
Marshall 30w Combo
#122
this one isn't bad, its just funny.

Bush, The Pope and a young boy were on a plane when suddenly there was engine problems. There were only 2 parachutes, and bush grabbed a bag and jumped out.
The pope says: "Young man, you can take the other parachute, i have lived a long life"
and the young boy says "no thats ok, Mr. president took my backpack!"
Quote by Kensai
I'm no fancy doctor, but it sounds like you've got the clap.
#124
why does steve irwin wear suntan lotion?
to protect him from harmful rays.
I am Rob Rideout! Wearer of Pants!
#125
Quote by webby1990
the correct pluralisation of penis is penises because a word has to end in 'us' to be pluralised as 'ii' sorry.

what's the definition of a barcode?
an Ethiopian family picture


1) No ****; penii just sounds funny.

2) I already posted that.


And here's one which is not offensive, but extremely lame:


What are the similarities between a dolphin and an orange?


They both live under water, except the orange.

(If you don't think it's funny; get drunk, read again).
#126
Quote by KingLawrence
How do you know when your sister's on her first period?

Because your dad's d ick tastes funny


That's so ****ing wrong...
#127
Quote by qaiser187
all these jokes are racist you racist bastards they aint even that funny i think alot of white people say these jokes cos they have a small penis.



No one really cares what you have to say...because you're a little September 06er.
#128
this one is just sick

Whats the worst thing about licking a bald pussy?

Putting the nappy back on

its just wrong
Split your lungs with blood and thunder
When you see the white whale
Break your backs and crack your oars men
If you wish to prevail
Last edited by lukaria at Sep 10, 2006,
#129
Quote by lukaria
hey im a Sept 06er ^

this one is just sick

Whats the worst thing about licking a bald pussy?

Putting the nappy back on

its just wrong


#131
what do you do to your enemies deceased loved ones?


**** EM
Quote by charlieballc
uh i googled Rosie Palm, nothing except gloves...
#132
whats the difference between a native father and a couch?
one can support a family
Get baked, study theory.

Quote by :-D
Why are you bringing Cm into this?
#133
what do ozzy osbourne and my penis have in common?

a whole lot of heroin
Quote by charlieballc
uh i googled Rosie Palm, nothing except gloves...
#134
these are all pretty mean, but i guess that's the point of this thread, so.......
Quote by NGD1313
Well I don't know about solos but how about that Smoke on the Water riff. It's like...impossible.


THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I'm Jake. I'm a musician, philosopher, and exhibitionist.
#135
I still can't believe you guys find dead baby jokes funny. They're sick.

Quote by ImBarkerRarrrrr
whats faster than the black guy running out your living room with your tv?


his brother with the vcr

Those are really funny for some reason.

How do you start a Mexican riot?
Throw a penny in the air.

How do you start a Mexican parade?
Roll a penny down the street.

Who's the richest Mexican?
Whoever gets the penny.
METAR KTIK 040043Z COR RMK TORNADO 1W MOV NE. EVACUATING STATION
#136
theres a trucker driving along a country road, when he comes across a guy obviously in distress, who is tied to a tree. the trucker pulls up next to the guy. as he walks over, the guy is obviously massively relieved to see someone.
'thank god you are here, i was driving along this road, when i stopped to give directions to a couple of guys who were standing by the side of the road. when i pulled over, they threatened me with a gun, stole my wallet, phone, tied me up and drove off with me car.'
to which the trucker replies
'well today is not your day is it son,' as he starts to undo his belt
#137
after the london 7/7 bombings, i was on a bus. suddenly there was a huge bang and everyone screamed. it was ok though, we'd just run over a baby.
#141
What does Kurt Kobain and a mug of beer have in common?
They both look better with the head blown off.
#142
In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.

Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!

Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.


Not really evil, but quite funny:

Three guys stayed at a skiing lodge, but there was only one room with one bed so they shared it.

During the night the guy on the left wakes up saying he had a dream where he got a hand job.

Incredulously the guy on the right says that he also had a dream where he got a hand job.

The guy in the middle says he dreamed he was skiing.


A HUGE black guy walks in to a bar.

He goes to a little white guy and took his drink.

Then the black guy looks at the white guy and says "Got a problem with that?"

So the white guy says "You know what? I've been having the worst ****ing day you can think of.

In the morning my wife told me that she is leaving me, than I got fired at my job, then I discover that my car got stolen, and now when I try to kill myself you drink my god-damned poison!"


Q: What do cinder blocks and 300 lb women have in common?
A: They both get laid by Mexicans.

Q: What do women and condoms have in common?
A: If they aren't on your dick, they are in your wallet!


Three cowboys ? from Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Texas?are sitting around a fire. The Oklahoma cowboy gloats, ?Just the other day, a bull gored six men in the corral, but I wrestled it to the ground with my hands.?

The Arkansan replies, ?Oh, yeah? Yesterday a 15-foot rattler came at me, so I grabbed it, bit its head off, and spit the poison into a spittoon 15 yards away.?

The Texan stays quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.


A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer.

She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, get the **** away from me."


Hmm, not really a joke, but a picture says more than 1000 words uh? For you twisted souls: http://postarchives.entensity.net/072406/cat.jpg
Last edited by Morri at Sep 10, 2006,
#143
A little girl goes into a pet store and asks the clerk in her adorable little lisp: "Where do you keep the fuzzy widdle bunny wabbits?" Now the clerks heart melts, and he gets on his knees to be eye level with her and replies in the same tone: "Well which kind do you want? We have the fuzzy widdle brown ones and the fuzzy widdle white ones, which ones do you like?" The girl rocks on her heels for a bit, leans in and whispers: "I don't think my pet python weally gives a thit."
Is it a bad thing if one of your testicles is larger then the other two?
#145
Dude, you have a myspace link in your sig.

Edit: And wtf is your problem anway?
Is it a bad thing if one of your testicles is larger then the other two?
Last edited by The Leader at Sep 10, 2006,
#146
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's car?


Neither has he
Look!

Learn how to spell, grammar is your friend

Member #11 of the Les Paul owners club, pm Waterboy799 to join.

Blues player of the Laney Cult
#147
Quote by nine01n
what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
nothin you already told the b*tch twice!

why did the woman cross the road?
who cares, why the hell is she out of the kitchen?


sigged
#148
ok this one cracked me up, hope you like it

A man and his wife were driving down the road one day and got into an accident. The man broke a few ribs, a leg, an arm and was scratched and bruised pretty bad but he was ok. But his wife was thorwn into a deep coma however.

Months passed and the man was healed compellty, gone back to work and every day went to see his comatose wife, who showed no signs of waking. One day the nurse while giving the wife a sponge bath happened to move the sponge between her legs, and teh wifes eye flickered and she moved. Startled the nurse went back to bathing then decided to see if it would work again, she ran the sponge between her legs and the wife stirred. Shocked the nurse ran to fetch the doctor on call and showed him her discovery. Bth of them ecstatic of the breakthrough the doctor called up the husband and told him to come down to the hospital immediatly that there had been a development in his wifes case.

Upon arriving the doctor told the man the situation, and he responded

"well doc thats great news, but what exactly can i do?" The doctor searched for teh right words to say, then said.

"well we're going to need you to give your wife oral sex" The man turned red and said.
"well thats an awfully rivate thing to do..do you mind if i'm alone?"

the doc agreed and both him and the nurse left the room and stepped outside to watch the moniters showing her health. All of a sudden minutes later she flatlined, the doctor rushed into the room and asked shocked.
"what happened?" the man shrugged and said

"i don't know..i guess she choked to death"

lol you laughed
"The guitar is just a wonderful instrument. It's everything: a bartender, a psychiatrist, a housewife. its everything, but it's elusive." -Les Paul
#150
More dead baby jokes:

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown suit

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby in a clown suit?
A: 2 dead babies in clown suits
#151
Q. Did you know Helen Keller had a doll house?
A. Neither did she..

Q. Why don't black people like country music?
A. Because whenever anyone screams "ho-down" they think their sisters been shot.

Q. What's the correct definition of the word confusion?
A. Fathers day in Harlem.

Q. Did you know the KKK bought the rights to the movie Roots?
A. Yeah, they're going to play it in reverse so it has a happy ending.
Quote by Black Label93
Well this made my day, thank you, TS.

You may now have your way with my daughter and own all the riches in my kingdom.
#152
Quote by insideac

What did the asian family name their deformed son?
Somting Wong..


sigged.
#153
im not a racist because racism is a crime, and crime is for black people
Quote by jazkel24

Any bands you're trying to copy/sound like?
#155
Whats black, blind, and yells really loud?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
--
...and the world sighed in relief
#156
Quote by drunknpunk204
why cant stevie wonder read?
cause hes black

why cant helen keller drive?
cause shes a woman



those were probably my favorites....omg those were hilarious.
Officer Nole07 of the U.G.P.D


Quote by rockybo
Honestly, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. So some moron put evidence of me exposing her stupidity in her signature, why should I care?
#157
What color were Kurt Cobain's eyes?

Blew. One blew one way and the other blew the other way.
Officer Nole07 of the U.G.P.D


Quote by rockybo
Honestly, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. So some moron put evidence of me exposing her stupidity in her signature, why should I care?
#160
why do pakis smell?

so blind people can hate them too
you cant spell manslaughter without laughter


Quote by ACG
I like my women how I like my cookies. Smothered in diarrhea.