#1
MURDERER OF THE SUN

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
Just leave me alone
Before my heart turns to stone

You just keep pushing me down
I need to leave this town
You make me sick
But i'm a dick
I should have told you I know
But now it's to late to show

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
you crush my heart with your fists
I just wanna go slit my wrists

I feel like the whole world is crashing down on me
I stare with my eyes wide open but there's nothing to see
Rain keeps falling from a blood red sky
I guess the sun has died and now the angels cry

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
Just leave me alone
Before my heart turns to stone

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
you crush my heart with your fists
I just wanna go slit my wrists
Here my voice goes to ones and zeros...
#3
Quote by AtReYuRoCk
MURDERER OF THE SUN

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
Just leave me alone
Before my heart turns to stone
Good, gets the song going well.

You just keep pushing me down
I need to leave this town
You make me sick
But i'm a dick
Change, I really dont like it. you can come up with something much more poetic than that. not everything has to rhyme
I should have told you I know
But now it's to late to show


I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
you crush my heart with your fists
I just wanna go slit my wrists
Again this last line is weak. It feels lazy, the rest is ok. Come up with a better last line and it will be good.

I feel like the whole world is crashing down on me
I stare with my eyes wide open but there's nothing to see
Rain keeps falling from a blood red sky
I guess the sun has died and now the angels cry
Bravo. Excellent

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
Just leave me alone
Before my heart turns to stone

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
you crush my heart with your fists
I just wanna go slit my wrists


Good, few tweaks and this will be so much better, but a good first draft
Quote by the bartender
^ this man knows his stuff.
#4
I really don't know how to change these lines, I really wanna keep the first one and the second one has to rhyme with fists.

'you crush my heart with your fists
I just wanna go slit my wrists'
Here my voice goes to ones and zeros...
#5
MURDERER OF THE SUN

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
Just leave me alone
Before my heart turns to stone

You just keep pushing me down
I need to leave this town
Before my heart explodes
And i am nothing but bones
I should have told you I know
But now it's to late to show

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
you crush my heart with your fists
I just wanna go slit my wrists
(still needs to be changed)

I feel like the whole world is crashing down on me
I stare with my eyes wide open but there's nothing to see
Rain keeps falling from a blood red sky
I guess the sun has died and now the angels cry

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
Just leave me alone
Before my heart turns to stone

I just need to run away, run away
I just need to get away, get away
you crush my heart with your fists
I just wanna go slit my wrists
Here my voice goes to ones and zeros...