#1
Made this up on the spot just now because I am bored as hell. Figured I'de make up a song and see if it came out ok. I think I have a guitar part to go with it now.


(fingerpicked (acoustic?) intro)

(electric crunches in)
Cut past all the glamerous winds and find,
an incandecent kind of thing
that takes you outside of the ordinary
Don't let them hear
That what you've had is good as gone
fly a silver bullet from your hip

(guitar 1 playing chords, guitar 2 playing lead)
Well, I won't be near when
The hounds are upon you
Distance is a mans best friend
So take time
It looks good on you
I won't mind
It's not my end.

(Solo)

Creeping from the floor a shadow,
half dead, draped in purple gowns
A pretty name called pity found
It's way back to the starting grounds

Have all your words
I won't even hear them

And have all your words
I don't need them now.

(vocals slow down and semi-hushed. Acoustic pickstrumming)

Cut past all the glamerous winds and find,
an incandecent kind of thing
that takes you outside of the ordinary
Don't let them hear
That what you've had is good as gone
fly a silver bullet from your hip

(One hella mean outro and some radio crackle at the end)

EDIT: Revised; I added the guitar where and how it's played. It's a rock song, think Audioslave + Fuel + Bush. Only a fraction as awesome though because audioslave + fuel + bush would be too much awesome for mortal ears.
Last edited by Brokenkingdom at Sep 14, 2006,
#2
Cool lyrics. You got some great imagery, though I can't figure out what it all means. The lyrics flow well. I think its great that you finish up by repeating the first verse, very cool move, imo. I like that you even included some sketch dynamics in there, I can kinda feel what the song will be like. Anyway, awesome job and KEEP ON WRITING!!
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton
#3
I think its great,but it confuses me.
It reminds me of something Deftone sounding....

Audioslave+Bush+Fuel-Fuel+Deftones=DEBUSLAVE

HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom Morello > Adam

Adam>fax machine



(I'm a cookie in a caked up world)
#5
Haha I guess my lyrics are generaly confusing. But oh well thats how I enjoy writting, I like lyrics that sound like they don't make sense but when analyzed turn out to be very clever.
For those of you how didn't understand it I'll explain i and hopefully youll be able to enjoy it and crit it!

This song starts after everything has happend (I love writing like that).

It's about a guy (the singer) and a girl. The girl rises to fame and everyone loves her and on the inside she really was something amazing but now she's not and it's all just for show. I came up with the term "Fly a silver bullet form your hip" To refer to showing off, as firing a gun from your hip takes incredible skill (from what I'm told) and silver is flashy and showy. Also I wanted it to express a feeling of protection or warding off of evil. So I think it works well.

He tells her that he won't stand in her way if this is who she wants to be. A superfluous icon. The hounds being paperatsi (sp??), fans and the media. And he warns her it will be her undoing and if thats what she wants he'll have no part in it.

Then it describes how She finaly collapsed under the weight of all the glitz and glamour nd relized she lost somthing great and wants to try and get it back. But the guy only sees her as something that was beautiful once but now is just pitiful. I used "Half-dead, draped in purple gowns" because purple is the color of royalty, of power and fame and I thought it expressed a gritty brokendown image of the girl.

I repeated the first line because in the begining it was meant to sound as a strong statement putting her down and expressing what she truely is. ut then when it slows down at the end its more or less like he's remembering what she was and how he wishes her the best. Kind of as though he wantes her to be happy. Ending with "Fly a silver bullet from your hip" or "Protect yourself and be careful.".

I normaly don't Explain my lyrics because honestly I don't think it's the writters/musicians job to but in this case I really need the crit because I want to record this so I'm takeing drastic measures! haha

Please any and all useful crit is welcome!! Saying you like is is cool to, but I'de rather you say you hate it and tell me why!

Thanks again for all the replies!

P.S. sorry about the long post.
#6
A long overdue return of crit. Sorry I'm so slow.

Quote by Brokenkingdom
Made this up on the spot just now because I am bored as hell. Figured I'de make up a song and see if it came out ok. I think I have a guitar part to go with it now.


(fingerpicked (acoustic?) intro)

(electric crunches in)
Cut past all the glamerous winds and find,
an incandecent kind of thing
that takes you outside of the ordinary
Don't let them hear
That what you've had is good as gone
fly a silver bullet from your hip
Don't really know why you said incandecent. It fits, but I didn't really like it.

(guitar 1 playing chords, guitar 2 playing lead)
Well, I won't be near when
The hounds are upon you
Distance is a mans best friend
So take time
It looks good on you
I won't mind
It's not my end.
I liked it. The shorter lines towards the end really emphasized the point.
(Solo)

Creeping from the floor a shadow,
half dead, draped in purple gowns
A pretty name called pity found
It's way back to the starting grounds
Hmm, I don't like the first 2 lines. I really don't. There just too different from the tone of the rest of the song. Thier dark, and sinister, which doesn't really suit the rest.

Have all your words
I won't even hear them

And have all your words
I don't need them now.
Yeh, its a bridge. Not that amazing. Sort of ties the last of the chorus to the next part.

(vocals slow down and semi-hushed. Acoustic pickstrumming)

Cut past all the glamerous winds and find,
an incandecent kind of thing
that takes you outside of the ordinary
Don't let them hear
That what you've had is good as gone
fly a silver bullet from your hip
Outro-ish/last verse. Its the same as the first verse. Maybe have this, then another one at the end where the words are tweaked and a little different.

(One hella mean outro and some radio crackle at the end)

EDIT: Revised; I added the guitar where and how it's played. It's a rock song, think Audioslave + Fuel + Bush. Only a fraction as awesome though because audioslave + fuel + bush would be too much awesome for mortal ears.


Overall it was pretty good. I didn't really like the chorus. It was just too different, and didn't fit what sowhever. The rest was ok though. The second verse probably my favorite.