#1
alright well I wrote this as I went with no goal in sight but after the chourse I had a meaning to it

I reposted this and delte the orignal one because I didnt read the rules

Here We Stand
CrossRoads Again
There a a path of Light
To The Right
to the left
lies pain
sufferin',flames and misery

No Turning Back
Make your Stand
In the Last Act
of Defiance

Against The Grain
All the Way
A rose of Thorns
by another name
Resepct must be earned
only thorugh Blood
Somthing youve Always Yearned
If you want Peace Prepare for war

No Turning Back
Make your Stand
In the Last Act
of Defiance

Here We Are
>Make Your Stand
Rise Up
>In The Last Act
RISE UP
>the Last Chance
Rise Up in the Last act
Of Defiance
#3
I really don't want to sound like I'm getting at this but unfortunately, I'm going to have to say this honestly.

It is way to cliche, meaningless and like everything everyone else writes but substandard. The only advice I can give is to find your own voice. Look at some of the better writers on this forum. For simple, original pieces, I recommend looking at Jammydude's pieces.

Alex
"You can never quarantine the past."
#4
Here is a sure fire way to improve your writting ability. Go to your local music store and purchase every album from bands like Korn, Linkin Park, LFO, bowling for soup ect. ect. and listen to them nonstop for 32 days. Everytime they make a comparison or describe something jab a toothpick underneath your fingernails. after 32 days you will learn what not to write and that will help you dramaticaly. Haha but seriously its a bit over the top. Heres some suggestions

Try making your lines more interesting they don't have much meat for vocalization.
Steer clear of forcing rhymes ie: "...Resepct must be earned only thorugh Blood Somthing youve Always Yearned..."
I say practice practice practice you can only get better!
#5
well its my first song I wrote so I was hoping for harsh reveiws
as for the toothpick thing I dont have enought money to buy all they cds and toothpicks