#1
Crit for crit, etc.

Painted hills are breaking dreams
A soliloquy like a train wreck
Crescendo, misanthropy
Starving my broken violin
Stamping out insatiables to whet my appetite

Green grass and autumn foliage
Falls in a slush and I am left deceived
The harvest moon a golden shade
Beginning the age of the violent days
Violet rainbow, a jet raven
Staring blank-eyed into the abyss
And what?s unknown beyond
Stark raving mad he may be
But so am I
A burning cross in the starless sky
And the smoke is drifting passed the horizon
Being lifted my a thousand crystal wings
Flapping silently in the dew-full night

Banging the drums and the cymbals crash
And the dark blue cacophony echoes an emerald
A dazzling star appears in the ethereal pool
He is ready to play with our lives again
If He is to be believed

A yellow putrefying sound is cast
By a brilliant bronze music bazooka
Raining bullets of beats on the bemused bystanders
Strangers in a strange land forced to link arms
And chains clatter as they walk the same road
A ghostly voice has reason to be fearful
The time has come
The time has come

No more, broken violin, his head is far from well
The silly little man lost his toys
Now he has no choice but to die
But which way to go?
Possibilities limited only by the mind of a forlorn soul
Aquamarine lands by his feet
Dropped by my giant rook
Checkmate, King, checkmate
You?ll crash your cymbals
Nevermore
#2
I'll try and come back to this soon.

My one point is the chess reference at the end - I don't understand if it's really necessary.
#3
Argh, it's been a long day Mike, i will get to this when i can. I've had relly bad headaches recently and it's killing me so i haven't been critting or writing or anything, so bear with me, sorry.
#4
Quote by CJW
I'll try and come back to this soon.

My one point is the chess reference at the end - I don't understand if it's really necessary.



The chess reference is just an idea I used which would surprise the reader, in a good way or not.
#5
Quote by Dæmönika
The chess reference is just an idea I used which would surprise the reader, in a good way or not.

OK.

A really intriguing piece here. Loads of reference to Christ here, I think, both the birth and death.

''Banging the drums and the cymbals crash
And the dark blue cacophony echoes an emerald
A dazzling star appears in the ethereal pool
He is ready to play with our lives again
If He is to be believed''

I reckon that is the best stanza.

Really good imagery etc. throughout, and I especially enjoyed the musical theme throughout.

A fine effort.