#1
Well im writing these lyrics as you read this...justa bit of stuff from scratch.. tell me what you think... Kind of reflects upon the last couple of weeks for me ..erm..Its not reli got a chorus line just sort of verses..i dont write lyrics for my band but i wana start singing i think so i dno..its all part of the big creative processs...anyway.. be gentle lolol :


Philosophys a game
its hard to win playing by the rules
Cruelty is your speciality
At least im no fool

Time is a wearing essence
eroded through content
the anger is still there
breezing through the vent

We've been together now 2 weeks hav past
you can never be happy for me
You want to take what you dont want
And you want what you cant have

Timid games in the playground of your mind
reaching out and grabbing everything
within your grasp you have my heart
but its useless to you
We will always be apart
#3
Hmm.. i dont know what the best way is to go about song writing..sometimes i just write words that i like...for example ill type down all these words flashing into my head that i want to use and try and fit them in in some form...I dont really want to force any rhymes... any tips??
#4
not bad, nothing realy stabs through though, if you ask me, it could be shaped more fluidly,
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#5
read the FAQS man. just a heads up cos this thread will probably get closed if you dont change the title.

Philosophys a game
its hard to win playing by the rules
Cruelty is your speciality
At least im no fool


I didnt like this opening. its seems like just a random collection of words. how can you win at philosophy if its a personal view on something?
and what does that have to do with cruelty?


Time is a wearing essence
eroded through content
the anger is still there
breezing through the vent


the wording in this verse doesnt really make sense. and the last line seems to be there just so it rhymes.

We've been together now 2 weeks hav past
you can never be happy for me
You want to take what you dont want
And you want what you cant have


2 Weeks? how do you know she can never be happy for you if you've only been together for 2 weeks?
and look at the third line; if someone doesnt want something then why would they want to take it?? it just doesnt make sense.

Timid games in the playground of your mind
reaching out and grabbing everything
within your grasp you have my heart
but its useless to you
We will always be apart


timid people probably wouldnt be ''reaching out and grabbing everything''

in all i didnt really like this. it seems rushed and much of it doesnt make sense. you need to develop your ideas more before committing them to song.
if i were you id give this a complete overhaul, and actually put a little more time into it.

keep tryin

peace out
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
Last edited by FunkasPuck at Sep 11, 2006,
#6
Quote by FunkasPuck
read the FAQS man. just a heads up cos this thread will probably get closed if you dont change the title.

Philosophys a game
its hard to win playing by the rules
Cruelty is your speciality
At least im no fool


I didnt like this opening. its just a collection of games. how can you win at philosophy if its a personal view on something?
and what does that have to do with cruelty?


Time is a wearing essence
eroded through content
the anger is still there
breezing through the vent


the wording in this verse doesnt really make sense. and the last line seems to be there just so it rhymes.

We've been together now 2 weeks hav past
you can never be happy for me
You want to take what you dont want
And you want what you cant have


2 Weeks? how do you know she can never be happy for you if you've only been together for 2 weeks?
and look at the third line; if someone doesnt want something then why would they want to take it?? it just doesnt make sense.

Timid games in the playground of your mind
reaching out and grabbing everything
within your grasp you have my heart
but its useless to you
We will always be apart


timid people probably wouldnt be ''reaching out and grabbing everything''

in all i didnt really like this. it seems rushed and much of it doesnt make sense. you need to develop your ideas more before committing them to song.
if i were you id give this a complete overhaul, and actually put a little more time into it.

keep tryin

peace out



Ok thanks mate.. Ye if im being completely honest it was just a load of stuff that i had got off my head at one point... my mate was llike why dont you just write a song about **** to make you feel better so i did and i just wanted to see if it actually meant anything to anyone..what you said definately hasnt put me off though just made me more keen to develop any potentiol there...im trying to stay quite commited to my guitar at the same time though lol..oh and btw i know this sounda a bit nooby. ( i am one ) but ... how do i change the title of the thread?