#1
Wrote this tonight in about an hour I don't think it's that good but it's the best I've ever written for sure. I guess it's about a false sense of pride in my country and religion. I don't really have a title though

Pay attention, keep your mouths shut
Lock the doors, don't open them up
We're the sane ones, they're all crazy
they're immoral, they wanna kill me
We say who's right. We say who's wrong
You don't agree, you don't belong
We preach freedom, we save lives
So grab your rifles and beat your wives

We believe in all that is good
We're always right so everyone should
But who needs a god? Who needs a prayer?
Who needs to change? Who really cares?
We've all got cash, we've all got guns
We've all got secrets, everyone.

We all know how to beg and steal
We all know how to make a deal
We all just love to scratch and squeal
But nobody wants to think or feel
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
Last edited by Muphin at Sep 12, 2006,
#3
Quote by ChicagoMetal
it sucks...ass

metal owns


thanks for the help, metalhead. Get the hell out of this forum unless you're gonna say something constructive.
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#4
Quote by Muphin
thanks for the help, metalhead. Get the hell out of this forum unless you're gonna say something constructive.



Ok, heres something constructive. Go light yourself on fire. While your at it make the song not suck.
#5
Quote by ChicagoMetal
Ok, heres something constructive. Go light yourself on fire. While your at it make the song not suck.

Poor n00b, you need to get away from all the ****ty Metallica
Quote by spazzymagee417
i would pay more for a midget corpse than an average size corpse
#6
Quote by ChicagoMetal
Ok, heres something constructive. Go light yourself on fire. While your at it make the song not suck.


wow... well that was a little more constructive arn't you just coming along.

Too bad you're still a penis muncher. Go headbang or something you twat.
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#7
dude ure a ****ing n00b that knows **** about music....ure lyrics suck so much balls its not even funny. metal pwns ure ass cuz once again ure a stupid n00b. i bet u like emo u ****in emo kid nobody likes emo they just wear girl jeans and swish their hair back and forth and cry on stage cuz the world hates u. go ****ing cut ure wrist or something while i play some slayer.
I don't have a sig. Or an avatar.
#8
Haha quite witty indeed! Maybe I will go headbang cuz thats all i do as a metalhead.

My retort: go cry you whiney son of a bitch
And I quote: "We've all got secrets, everyone." Whats your secret bitch?
#9
Quote by metalhead13
dude ure a ****ing n00b that knows **** about music....ure lyrics suck so much balls its not even funny. metal pwns ure ass cuz once again ure a stupid n00b. i bet u like emo u ****in emo kid nobody likes emo they just wear girl jeans and swish their hair back and forth and cry on stage cuz the world hates u. go ****ing cut ure wrist or something while i play some slayer.


too many 10 year old kids on this forum

sorry if my lyrics deal with emotion, I should have known that songwriting has nothing to do with emotion oh when will I learn?
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#10
Quote by Tedrick
Poor n00b, you need to get away from all the ****ty Metallica



What the **** are you talking about? That doesnt even make sense
#11
Quote by ChicagoMetal
What the **** are you talking about? That doesnt even make sense


...ummm.... yeah it does
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#12
hey JACKASS u think ure so tough ure only 2 years older than me and o my lyrics deal with emotion the world hates me im gonna go cut myslef i wear tight pants cuz i dont have a penis.....weve heard it all already so why dont u go back sit in the corner and cry ureself to sleep
I don't have a sig. Or an avatar.
#13
No it doesnt because it implies that Metallica is the only band in the Genre "Metal".
Seeing as this is not the case, his statement is null and void- hence doesnt make sense
#14
Quote by metalhead13
hey JACKASS u think ure so tough ure only 2 years older than me and o my lyrics deal with emotion the world hates me im gonna go cut myslef i wear tight pants cuz i dont have a penis.....weve heard it all already so why dont u go back sit in the corner and cry ureself to sleep


And you my friend need to learn how to use punctuation.

and you admitted that you're 10 years old. I was only joking... I thought you were at least 11.
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#15
So grab your rifles and beat your wives

What the **** is wrong with you dude? Every time i read it i get more pissed off because it sucks.

beating your wife is not cool
#16
Quote by ChicagoMetal
So grab your rifles and beat your wives

What the **** is wrong with you dude? Every time i read it i get more pissed off because it sucks.

beating your wife is not cool


Do you understand sarcasm? And why don't you just stop reading it then?

haha, muphin - 2 n00bs - 0
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#17
Quote by Muphin
Do you understand sarcasm? And why don't you just stop reading it then?



Well since you were just talking about expressing emotion, and the song being a "serious" topic, doesnt seem sarcastic to me.
#18
Quote by Muphin
And you my friend need to learn how to use punctuation.

and you admitted that you're 10 years old. I was only joking... I thought you were at least 11.


.........dude......do u honestly think thats funny? haha ure only 11 man! omg im hilarious! thats the funniest joke ive ever heard! o man where do u come up with this ****? i wish i was as funny as u...but im not so im gonna go grab my rifle and beat my wife
I don't have a sig. Or an avatar.
#19
Quote by ChicagoMetal
Well since you were just talking about expressing emotion, and the song being a "serious" topic, doesnt seem sarcastic to me.


So you can't use a literary device to express emotion in literacy? Do explain...

Oh and thanks for learning how to use a period correctly metalhead.

Quote by metalhead13
but im not so im gonna go grab my rifle and beat my wife


You'll never have one.
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#20
dude u seriously miht be the gayest kid ive ever met..honestly WHO GIVES A FLYING **** IF I USE A DAMN PERIOD? god forbid i have improper grammar! whatever dude ure not even worth my time...ad FYI i already do have a rifle so STFU u dont even kno me and i have a gf which u probably dont....the only reason u would is that so u can wear her pants...the world would be a much better place if u would just go die. thanku have a nice day. PERIOD.
I don't have a sig. Or an avatar.
#21
Quote by metalhead13
dude u seriously miht be the gayest kid ive ever met..honestly WHO GIVES A FLYING **** IF I USE A DAMN PERIOD? god forbid i have improper grammar! whatever dude ure not even worth my time...ad FYI i already do have a rifle so STFU u dont even kno me and i have a gf which u probably dont....the only reason u would is that so u can wear her pants...the world would be a much better place if u would just go die. thanku have a nice day. PERIOD.


You have a girlfriend? Do you play truth or dare and stay up reallllly late till 8 o'clock on fridays? I think it's wrong to date girls who doesn't even menstrate yet.

Oh, and I said you'll never have a wife, moron.
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#22
To many "we"'s With all the "we we"'s it sounds either French or gay. You can argue amoungst yourselves whether or not "French" and "Gay" are synonymous.

Jokeing aside someone needs to lay the weight of the almighty ban hammer upon a few of you.

I'de switch up your rhyming pattern and keep in mind you don't always have to rhyme.
#23
Quote by Brokenkingdom
To many "we"'s With all the "we we"'s it sounds either French or gay. You can argue amoungst yourselves whether or not "French" and "Gay" are synonymous.

Jokeing aside someone needs to lay the weight of the almighty ban hammer upon a few of you.

I'de switch up your rhyming pattern and keep in mind you don't always have to rhyme.


ah finally an intelligent person.

yeah, i do use we a lot, i was trying to give it a point of view. The rhyming is pretty strict. I think I'll try and make a chorus or something to change it up a bit.
Quote by Godzilla1969
I love you, Muphin. You have great taste in music.

Quote by Pacifica112J
Muphin > You

The Cooperation
#24
Personally, I think the piece was ok, for the most part.

However, after the first stanza, verse, whatever you prefer to refer to it as, the piece becomes a bit .. redundant I guess? As far as the wording is concerned.

I'd say it's got a 6.5/10 (Not that much of my work is better.)

Hope I was of some help! ^_^
"I'm pre-blown dude, it's like pre-heat, you know, how you set it up to blow, im already pre-blown, so im already hooked up, does that make no sense? of course it don't. Dimebonic's baby"-Dimebag Darrell
"Nazi Gangsta Jew"
#25
That was pretty good, it was one of the few songs that I could actually put some music behind it. Although I do agree with that one guy, you should try to cut back on the we's. Also a chorus might help move the song along.

Keep up the good work
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#26
Fun song nonetheless. I wanna power chord it and see how it sounds. Lol some of the commentators on this thread had some serious haterism going on. I think (an educated guess here) the lyrics are about a somewhat unquestioned and silly, bolstering American pride ever since 9/11. The irony is, jugding from the haters comments their pride was hurt.
#27
Dude, I got a chuckle out of reading it. And, I'm a metalhead. And, I like music that deals with emotions. And I think a lot of people on this forum need to calm waaaaay down, cause the song wasn't that terrible. I liked the tight rhyme schemes (but then, I've always been a sucker for a nice, tight rhyme). The grab your rifles line will piss off a lot of people, so you might consider changing it. Then again, it may really hurt what you're going for. It's up to you, man.
#28
the best part about the song was reading all the arguments hahahahaha that was hella cool hELLA CooL man!
nah for reals just be frends! stop crying emo dude and metal guy. ;_;
cool ur song
#29
metals not emotionless, and it is infact much better musically than say well any emo band. But emo (g-d i hate that word so much) does have its pros, but really should stop whining.
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."
Last edited by JamesDouglas at Sep 17, 2006,
#30
....*cough* this is an ironic song. Ever listen to any lyrics by Kurt Cobain. Smells like teen spirit anyone? oh and *FLAME* metalhead... u gimp. and FYI just because u have a rifle that DOES NOT MAKE U COOL!!!!!!! Now to actually comment on the lyrics, which nobody has done so far, theyre not bad, although, a bit direct. I suppose that might be what you're aiming for, shocking appalling. Now can we end this bitching contest and 'Pay attention, keep your mouths shut' unless you have something helpful