#1
First song i've posted for a while so crit will be appreciated and returned.

Verse 1
And once again it begins,
we fall into darker sins,
begging to know the outside world,
but in fear of our toes have curled.

Chorus
Crush!
Can you see the demons,
staring into your eyes,
crush!,
can you hear our leaders,
and their sickening lies,
crush!
can we ever stop,
crush!

Verse 2
here it comes again,
the blood in the rain,
we're soaked to the skin,
in your cruel unholy sin.

Chorus
Crush!
Can you see the demons,
staring into your eyes,
crush!,
can you hear our leaders,
and their sickening lies,
crush!
can we ever stop,
crush!

Bridge
i can't hate anymore (x3)
i can't feel anymore,
i've killed it all.

Verse 3
You take our hands and lead us away,
and then the cruelest words you say,
you tell us we were never needed,
you tell us we never really bleeded,
you can't talk away our suffering,
because you were never helping,
telling us we were never loved,
TORE US IN TWO!

Chorus
Crush!
Can you see the demons,
staring into your eyes,
crush!,
can you hear our leaders,
and their sickening lies,
crush!
can we ever stop,
crush!

Chorus (to fade)
Crush!
Can you see the demons,
staring into your eyes,
crush!,
can you hear our leaders,
and their sickening lies,
crush!
can we ever stop,
crush!
#2
I can see a heavy metal influence in the lyrics. Title is a bit misleading if you catch my drift. Pretty nice. 7.5/10
#3
The influence was heavy metal yeah coz it came from listening to BFMV's hand of blood like 30 times in two days and yeah, i thought someone would assume it was about a crush as in liking someone, i figure thats what you meant?
Last edited by future rock god at Sep 13, 2006,
#5
Ok, the verses are ok, but i'm not a big fan of the chorus. But a word of advice, don't put excalmation marks and the like in your post; it makes it come across kinda juevenile. I'm not really sure what to say... i feel like ****, and that reflects the quality of this reply i guess, but tough break, maybe you'll have random depression one day too and wonder what the fuck is going on. [/ramble]
#6
I think you could turn this into a song, record it, and be fine. These lyrics are decent, but nothing more.

A lot of the rhymes seem forced. Like I said, though, you could probably get away with using these in a song, because the lines still convey a message. The flow wasn't all that bad, but I've seen better.

If you were to rewrite this I would recommend going through all the lines and looking for weak words or rhymes that seem forced. If you did some editing to this, it could be a truly superb song.
#7
I wouldn't say it's the best set of lyrics I've seen around, but it wouldn't make a bad fit for a metal song.... I agree with the dude above me about some of the lines being iffy... particularly, the bridge stands out as cliche to me. Depending on how you develop the music, it could be a good song...
#8
Its not 100% stable but still its got one hell of a stance! I like it its sorta generic but I think thats whats so beautiful about man some people are a bit torn because they can't make heads or tails of it but the truth is the reason its atractive is the same reason its not great. Its cool though I liked it.
TO DISTURB IS TO PLEASE
#9
The third verse is pretty amazing..actually the whole thing is pretty good. I can see the metal influence there too. I really actually like it a lot, I love the words you used and I love the flow and such..it sounds pretty good.
ferret.