#1
This song isn't my best work and I'm still learning how to write songs so give me a crit thanx

Verse:
It's been obvious for awhile
You and I don't connect like we used to
Remembering the times when I just wanted to make you smile
Things aren't how they used to be

Chorus:
And now I'm running out of things to say
And now I'm running out of things to do
And I'm sorry if this breaks your heart
But it's time to see the obvious
and go are seperate ways

This is it for now it's not finished yet so crit 4 crit
#2
well first off, the last "are" should be "our"
i get how the chorus ties together, but the verse doesnt seem to have as much structure, maybe if i heard it, but reading it i cant find a rythm
#3
you've got potential in this... obviously, like you said, it's not done and needs more stuff added to it and work done to it... here's a few suggestions

the verse you've got, to start with...
It doesn't really flow together, so revision could really benefit it. The thoughts are expressed, but kinda run on a little long in plain ordinary language.... not that it's neccesarily a bad thing, but it's just nice to have things a little tighter when it's in plain language.

It's been so obvious now
that you and I just don't
connect like we did before

Remembering back when I
Just wanted to make you smile
Things just aren't like they used to be

I think something like that would just sound better...

Chorus:
You've got your ideas, it just needs to be revised again.
Maybe something like...

I'm running out of things to say
I'm running out of things to do
I'm sorry if it breaks your heart
but it's obvious that we should part

or something like that... just something that makes it sound better... like a wise guy name Parabotheo has told me before, if you are fair with the revision process you should come out with something worthwhile... so keep at it.
#4
Needs a lot of work. Really poor structure. Too many unimportant words for nine lines.

Verse:
... .... obvious ... ......
... ... . .... connect .... .. .... ..
Remembering ... ..... .... . .... ...... .. .... ... smile
...... ...... ... .... .... .. ..

Chorus:
... ... .. ....... out .. ...... .. ...
... ... .. ....... out .. ...... .. ..
... .. ..... .. .... ...... .... .....
But ... .... .. ... ... obvious
... go ... seperate ....


Thats what's left, being generous, of what you have so far with uninteresting/meaningless words taken out. I suggest takeing some time read some poetry and some song lyrics and make another attempt. Practice and you can only get better.