#1
Rewrite of an older post...

Hes walked a long a sinful road
The things hes seen he doesnt care to tell
With what hes done he can never again sleep easy
The face of a man whos seen his way to hell

Open are the eyes of the new born baby
Innocent tho the world that lies in wait
The weight of the world is thrust upon her shoulders
She grows cold and quickly learns to hate

Well Im no better than the rest of them
Ive done my share of evil in my time
When my body finally rests in a pine box
Ill know its no ones fault but mine

--Interlude--

Tossed away like yesterdays bad news
Hes lived a life of bitter misery
No hope that he'll ever be more than nothing
The road he walks can never lead him free

She recalls that once she was young and beautiful
So long ago only cobwebs in her mind
The only weight she wears these days is a cheap fix
So far away from the innocence left behind

Now I dont need your forgiveness
Im content with the demon ive become
There'll be no salvation for this lost soul
Cause the past is gone and what is done is done.

THere you have it....Take it for what it is.
#2
It's okay, i mean it didn't make me go OH WOW, YOU ROCK MAN.
it's probably even a little bit below average..it was kind of predictable, and i didn't find too many unique lines or anything....everything was kind of familiar, but it isn't bad. something you vould try improving on is the rhymes...like the rhymes tell-hell and wait-hate are kind of forced, and kind of make it seem a bit forced...remember, it doesn't need to rhyme at all! and sometimes that's even best!

keep up the writing, remember, it's practice that makes you good.