#1
Verse I
Took a midnight stroll last night, so I can
clear my head
Drove past your house bout 2 am
noticed his car was there

Chorus
No one can love you like I can
You lost your chance

Don?t come running back to me
When you need a man
I?m all out of lovin? for you girl,
Now I?m leavin? you behind

No one can love you like I can,
You lost your chance

Verse II
There?s no apology that can,
Change my mind
Like the sun setting in the west,
I?m never lookin back
#2
Took a midnight stroll last night, so I can
clear my head
Drove past your house bout 2 am
noticed his car was there


this is pretty sucky, no offence. firstly, you have a bad choice of words. simple words. secondly it doesn't make sense. you walk...but u drive?? thirdly, i don't like the laid-out approach (the way you say everything as it is...it's boring like blink, make some abstraction). and yeah, buy a thesaurus too - it helps.


No one can love you like I can
You lost your chance


sorry, but i'm not impressed by this...make it longer, and more...abstract and metaphorical.

Don?t come running back to me
When you need a man
I?m all out of lovin? for you girl,
Now I?m leavin? you behind


this is alright.


There?s no apology that can,
Change my mind
Like the sun setting in the west,
I?m never lookin back


i suggest you make the first 2 lines better, as in making them more interesting, but i like the last two lines...they're the only thing i really like about this piece

overall, i think this needs major work, but mate, don't give up! just keep on practicing, and you'll get better.
#3
Thanks man, really appreciate it..........I understand everything you said, I will work on it........Thats what I love about constructive criticism......I wrote this song to an RnB feel on the guitar, which was the first time touching that genre, so I definately need some work. Appreciate it though
#4
Try exchanging the first line with "Just then I took a midnight stroll, so I can..." That flows a lot better and you don't have to change the rest of the first verse.

The chorus is pretty uninteresting and weak. I'de suggest adding some meat to it. Things can be meaty and simple at the same time, think beef jerky. Mmm. But don't think about beefy jerks, noone likes them.

The sentence "Now I'm leaving you behind" is incredibly weak and doesn't flow at all. I'de try changing it around maybe don't address the matter directly. Think of an interesting way to say it without being so blunt.

The second verse doesn't fit the rest of your piece and ruins the grity, edgy-esque-ness of the "Nirvana" feel.

Eh, all in all not par but room for improvement!