#1
Decided to get involved in this forum as iv started to write a bit more lately and i would appriciate an opinion or two.Im not too unhappy with the start and middle but i kinda went off the drug topic and onto the girl topic after a while..Which all my songs inevitably do..Damn girls.

Drugged up psycho-maniac,
walkin down the street fu-ked up on crack.
Drugged up psycho-maniac,
dont look at me cuz i just might snap.
awh fu-k,im board of crack,
hey there brother can you get me some smack?
no he said,with a frown
i said come on mother fu-ker just get me some brown!

(slows down)

Hey man can you get me some please?
Why not i promise i will pay soon,
im going fu-kin mad in my head,
hiding from monsters under my bed.

Dont fu-king hold out on me now bitch,
il give you wounds far too deep to stitch,
soon il be flying higher than ever,
flying away in the sunny weather all the better,
its forever...
No i dont regret her.
All the better,its forever...
No i wont regret her.

(fast again)

So i went on down the town,asked another guy had he got any brown.
No he said,with a grin,but iv got this sh-t you`l be interested in.
I know your type very well,try these E`s there fu-kin swell!
They`l blow your mind,they`l blow you away,
you wont feel right for fu-kin days,
They`l blow your mind,they`l blow you away,
Il see you again in another few days.

Any drugs will do,
nothin else to do.
any drugs wil do,
i swear i wont abuse.

Any drugs will do,
nothin else to do.
any drugs wil do,
Il share next time with you.

(slows again)

Hey girl those pills were really spot on,
i really think you could be the one,
will you touch my skin wil you scratch my hair
when were on yokes we haven`t a care.

I want you to know i appriciate,
this feeling of bliss i cant replicate,
but was it the pills or was it all you,
i just dont care this feelings so new and free...
for me,your so pretty.
and free,or nearly.tonight has changed me.

Theres more but its probably already too long for anybodt to read
let me know whay you think and leave a link and il do the same..toodles.
#4
I used to enjoy the sound of warm vomit spilling into my ears, but not so much after reading that.

Honestly though, throw in a few "hommies" and slap some makeup on and you could write songs for ICP!

This should go without saying but that is not a compliment.

The problem is that it's not interesting, it's not unique, it's not even something you'de read out of sheer boredom. Read some books, read some poetry, mostly read the tips sticky a few times, and try writing something interesting. This piece lacks even shock value if thats what you were banking on. I'de suggest some serious practice and some serious reading. Don't worry though you can only get better!