#1
Do you want to get high
do you want to go fly
spinning around thats life
anything to calm this mind of mine

i don't want to go blind
i don't want to feel live
lost something my mind
anything to get out of this hell of mine

and if i died
would someone cry
if you were me
would you be something

i learned nothing
sucess not for me
woven strands ripped free
im a little too unique


First 2 parts are verses. 3rd is chorus. 4th is a outro. I'm gonna try to add atleast one more verse but i haven't written one yet. The rthym is odd and hard to follow without hearing the music. Think AIC and Tool oh with a lot of changing rythm
#2
ok, im going to analize it strictly lyrically. I dont quite understand what youre trying to say through this song. The verses/chorus/outro are soo loosely connected (if at all to the outro) that it makes the song hard to follow.

I'm not an incredible lyric writer myself, but i know enough to tell you to go back, revisit this, and try to ahve the verses different from eachother, but have them tied into the chorus. The outro should basically be the final statement of the song, so depending on what youre looking for (emotion) in the listener, and depending on the music, you may want to rework this also
#4
first verse is basically how i get high to get out of all bull**** i live in. ****ty home life ****ing hate school.
2nd verse was really jumbled things i were feeling at the time i wrote in
chorus was basically written to this random kid i saw in the hallway that knew my name but i don't think i ever talked to him before.

the outro was written in a very odd fasion. At school theres those stupid inspirationial posters. One was about how all that matters is what you learn so i said i learned nothing
one just had sucess written real big on it so i said not for me
One was some bull**** how america is like woven strans so i said woven strands ripped free
last one was something how youll be liked for being unique. I figured i'm a little too unique. Yeah its wierd but whatever.
#5
Self pity is... pathetic. Get over it.

Not only that but it's boreing and uniteresting. You are still in Highschool? It shows. Stop being a dwerb and do something constructive, life doesn't suck you just suck at living. Your surroundings or your childhood don't make you who you are, your resolve does. Suck it up.

The lyrics in this piece are weak and more then uninspired. Your rhyming pattern is all over the place. Tighten things up ad some interesting points of view, meatier content and repost. If you're going to do something at least do it to a point of "Not-suckyness".
#6
Quote by Brokenkingdom
life doesn't suck you just suck at living. Your surroundings or your childhood don't make you who you are, your resolve does. Suck it up.



your a pretty smart guy. I like the way you think.