#1
(nothing to do with 9/11, thanks)

i burned silhouettes of winter's solace
into wallpaper with old flames.
a blizzard and billowed smoke choked throats
and broke my ribcage breathing in as lungs ballooned.

i traced four forced lines of verse into cursed clouds,
rehearsed with one hand dragging branches down
and the other pulling the weight of my throat into softer sounds.

i scratched it into the bark of trees
and into the moss of the bark at their bases,

"for each of the faces,
the lines in your hands
forget the shape of other hands
and how to keep holding on to them."
#2
I'm really mad at you. Because these are so good that they deserve big helpful full crits, with tons of constructive insight and loving remarks, but I can't find anything to crit. So I guess you get what you deserve? I don't know...Its brilliant though. First two lines are great, I love 'old flames,' it conveys so much at once in such a simple concise phrase. You really have a natural talent for wording things beautifully and that is totally obvious in your work. I really want to hear this to music. Your writing really lends itself to musical accompanyment I think. Nice.
#3
Wow. This was breathtaking. I loved the 4-line-3-line-2-line stanza pattern, and then the way the last stanza has 4 lines and wraps it all together. This was amazing. You did a great job writing this and I compliment your piece. Good vocabulary as well.

Can you please crit one of the submissions from my sig?