#1
this was written for a piano, with heavy sustained chords on the chorus.


the wind blows through my hair
i try and hear you voice on the changing winds
but nothing is heard and nothing is seen
because of all the voices in my head
because of all the shadows in front of my eyes
and the thoughts i cant destroy

you made feel as though you were aware
of the waves running through my mind
the changes and the noises heard
the shuddereing and the vague listening
you made me feel as though you were aware

my mind cant be cleared
so the world now moving is still a blur
as the time slowly goes by
can you see the lights flashing in my memory
can you see the flowing waters that cant be avoided
and the expressions that cant be shown

aware of what
the thoughts in danger of
cant you hear the effects caused
you made me feel
you made me feel

as though you were aware...


there it is i dont really know if it is that good and i dont think it is really that finished either, but hey crit throw every thought at me it would be much appreciated...
halos falling hangs on the sound of death
#3
I agree with doctor_rocker. The song's flow is choppy so you may want to work on that some. I didn't really see a rhyme scheme at all in this. The lyrics are good, they just need to rhyme a bit more, imo.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton
#4
It's pretty and like everyone else has said, it's a little choppy. And is does need to rhyme. You put in a few rhymes, maybe even just one per verse and I think it'll greatly improve it.