#1
it dosen't feel finished but i can't think of where to lead it next, i even feel like towards the end it might be getting weak but let me hear what you guys think so far!


Where? Where is this faith I want to know,
Please tell me where, where can I find a place to go,
Before I?m there, there to see how everyone is known,
I know I?m there, there to show how I am meant to grow,
I?ve become a source of all that you don?t want to see,
The evilness inside is trying to break free,
As I slip and turn to the worst that I can hardly be,
You know you were always there for me,
Why were you always there for me?
I won?t say goodbye forever,
I just need some time to sever,
Everything I?ve ever done to bring you back to me,
Question all the reasons why it?s hard for me to breathe,
And lose all the doubt why we will never be,
To learn that I can now be free,
I can now be free,
#2
lyrics are cool. most people would say they were cliche but sometimes they gotta be to get the point through, i like it though it's good, not sure where the chorus is though? dosnt matter all in all with a few simple arrangements it could be great

check out mine
Shell Shocked Returns
SINCERELY WRITTEN FROM MY BROTHERS BLOOD MACHINE, MAN YOURE BATTLES STATIONS, WE'LL HAVE YOU DEAD PRETTY SOON

Coheed and Cambria: In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth 3
#3
hmmm... id like to see you sever time... lol, intriguing prospect

seems it lacks conclusion on your opening lines..

eg,

To learn that I can now be free,
I can now be free,
comprehend the reality,
of faith in originality,
and the view tomorrow,
is another day...


something like that but less lame
=MAY THE HAND OF GOD STRIKE THEM DOWN=

+Rip Dimebag+


Gear:

Ibanez RG170
Epiphone SG Standard G400
Yamaha Pacifica 012
Boss Metal Zone MT2
Boss V-WAH
Digitech Whammy
Spider Line 6 II 30W
#4
thanx for the comments, it's helping with how to finish it and fix it to create a song in this style i'm it'll be good when it's done! but please anyone else leaves some crits to help me finish it or let me know how it is