#1
I'm probably going to embarrass myself by posting this.... but ah well
In case anyone doesnt know, Schadenfreude is german for laughing at someones elses pain.

Anywayysss....

Schadenfreude:
I laugh at your pain
Everything to lose
Nothing to gain
Schadenfreude!!

Your words tear me from inside out.
Nowhere to run.
Just listen to me shout.
Schadenfreude!!

I look into your eyes.
Those black pits I ****ing despise
I have no conscience I dont care
Let Violence come to bare

I kick, I punch, I beat, I stare
Your feeble posture burns the air
Laughter coarses through my vains
I marvel at your hurt and pains

Everyday my vendetta grows stronger.
If you don't quit it
It will last for longer
#2
quick question what does schadenfreude mean?
SINCERELY WRITTEN FROM MY BROTHERS BLOOD MACHINE, MAN YOURE BATTLES STATIONS, WE'LL HAVE YOU DEAD PRETTY SOON

Coheed and Cambria: In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth 3
#3
In case anyone doesnt know, Schadenfreude is german for laughing at someones elses pain.


......
#5
lol sorry i didnt read i wanted the lyrics lol well that was a waste of a post. i think it's cool tha you used a foreign word in youre song shows something you dont see everyday in this thread. I think it makes a good point and was a good word to use to describe it. better than actually saying laughing at someone elses pain. sorry my post has no critique but if you could do mine that'd be sick

it's in the thread. it's called Shell Shocked Returns

thanks, once again great work
SINCERELY WRITTEN FROM MY BROTHERS BLOOD MACHINE, MAN YOURE BATTLES STATIONS, WE'LL HAVE YOU DEAD PRETTY SOON

Coheed and Cambria: In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth 3
#6
I kick, I punch, I beat, I stare
Your feeble posture burns the air
Laughter coarses through my vains
I marvel at your hurt and pains

thats fukin brilliant man honestly
#7
Schadenfreude is a term for finding pleasure in other peoples misfortunes. This piece is really, really weak. Sounds like you just used a thesaurus and picked a word at random then wrote the song around it. I say "around it" in a very loose term as really it's more or less thrown in there to mask the poor lyrics. The words show a very immature lyrical ability.

Schadenfreude:
I laugh at your pain
Everything to lose
Nothing to gain
Schadenfreude!!


You start with a subject but then personify it by adressing it, then make random cliched statements and return to the subject. This is a very poor start. Definately not a clearly defined thought process for being so specific as to address a foreign word directly.

Your words tear me from inside out.
Nowhere to run.
Just listen to me shout.
Schadenfreude!!


Really, come on. This sounds sooooo ... I don't even know how to express my feelings about it. Needs LOTS of help. If it were a dieing animal it would be put down.

I look into your eyes.
Those black pits I ****ing despise
I have no conscience I dont care
Let Violence come to bare


The last line of this doesn't even make sense. It is awfuly forced and has no revelence or purpose.

I kick, I punch, I beat, I stare
Your feeble posture burns the air
Laughter coarses through my vains
I marvel at your hurt and pains


Here you randomly introduce a rhyming scheme. With the alerady weak begining the AABB rhyming pattern make this piece sounds even more immature as far as writing ability goes.

Everyday my vendetta grows stronger.
If you don't quit it
It will last for longer


Please, please read the tips for writing sticky thread and read some poetry. This whole thing is poorly put together. Keep writing and reading advice in other threads. Main thing to do is read and practice, read and practice.

EDIT: Edited do to my sheer inability to type at the moment I've been pretty drugged up due to a recent surgery so please frogive any typing errors.
Last edited by Brokenkingdom at Sep 15, 2006,
#8
Lol my morale was really high until I read that post .... now its crashing to the ground.

I suppose someone needed to say it and Im thankful it was done in a manner which was explanatory of where I had gone wrong. I'll bare what you've said in mind and keep on trying, thank you.