#1
Hi folks I've writen a song called 'The Sound Of Silence'. Please let me know what you think of it

Many Thanks.

The Sound Of Silence

Question your inner feelings.
Do the feelings ring a bell.
Inside your mind.
Inside this immortal hell...

Inside this immortal hell...

(time change. Music speeds up)

Your tortured mind slays you from flesh to bone.
Withered and wretched your mind turns to stone.
Is this all an illusion?
Or does the path to hell await you?

Chorus
Is this all that's left for me?
Trapped inside this withered shroud.
It's the sound of silence.
Who ever knew silence could be so loud.

You feel the anger build up inside your mind.
Searching the emptiness for something you can't find.
Is this your new future?
Or will you suffer the internal bleeding?

Chorus
Is this all that's left for me?
Trapped inside this withered shroud.
It's the sound of silence.
Who ever knew silence could be so loud.

(Guitar solo)

Chorus X2
Is this all that's left for me?
Trapped inside this withered shroud.
It's the sound of silence
Who ever knew silence could be so loud.


(music gets lighter and slowly fades)
#2
change the title now. Now. NOW! Are you not aware of the Simon and Garfunkel song called The Sound of Silence, which is better than this?
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."
#3
yeah, change that title.
Hello darkness my old friend..
Quote by crazydiamond73
You, my friend, are a genius.
#4
First I have to tell you that you seriously need to understand how words are used in sentances before you use them in lyrics. It's to long for me to care to write a full crit but I'll just touch a few things that need addressing.

For the sake of all thats good and holy please read a good bit of the threads posted here and read the actual crits for them. It will help you see what you've done wrong and help you become a better writter.

You have a very common problem that most (not all) of the writters here have. You just try to make something sound interesting by describing it. You need to present material that actualy is interesting and SHOW the listener. Yadda yadda yadda ect. ect.

Kepp trying!
#5
Not bad. It made me think a bit about myself. I would change the title, and you might have to change the chorus a bit, to keep from getting sued. Good lyrics, though. Keep on writing!
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton