#1
I'm a noob at this so dont laugh...to hard...

LD50:

Into a room,so bleak so cold,
Lyes and old man,so weak,so old
Upon his deathbed,his old a*s lays
Thinking deeply,trying to find a away
To escape the Hell,known as Earth
He closes his eyes and recalls his birth.

As a young man,he was down on his luck
Got hooked on H,stopped giving a f**k
If he dies he dies,he doesnt care
He cant resist his glorious snare.

A year or so later,he put down the stuff
He wanted a life,enough is enough
Moved out of the city,got a wife
Now,he decided,this is the life.

Then it came,her obligitory death
On that day,she was laid to rest
Then it came,his old pal habit
Once again,life wont mean jack sh*t

As he fades,to present day
With no knife or gun,to help him on his way
He looks down,his skin crawls like an ant farm
He dies,with his magnificent needle in his arm.

Please dont be to harsh,thanks!
Tom Morello > Adam

Adam>fax machine



(I'm a cookie in a caked up world)
#2
i liked it. i like songs with story's and randomity (dont think thats actually a word) but it's sort of half original half not the heroin bit isnt
but everything else is with some work it could be pretty good

feel free to crit mine https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=433593
SINCERELY WRITTEN FROM MY BROTHERS BLOOD MACHINE, MAN YOURE BATTLES STATIONS, WE'LL HAVE YOU DEAD PRETTY SOON

Coheed and Cambria: In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth 3
#3
It is pretty cool and it has a sincere feel to it as if you actually are an old man hooked on heroin. It's pretty convincing. Not much really to change I guess but I think it's an instant classic like eric clapton's "cocaine" this one is like "heroin" only its called "LD50".
If people were ants then there would be no cake because there would be no one to reach the batter on the top shelf.
#5
nice job. i like the strong feeling and simplicity of the writing with which you invoke that feeling. common theme, but we're all the same anyways. so yeah, keep on writing. definitely keep reworking this until it's perfect, it has potential.