#1
To anyone who can name where I lifted one of these verses from

A thousand questions in my head
Who was the culprit?
Who was the victim?
Was I so wrong in thinking
That the world would never change?

I?m getting tired of all these songs
With each verse moaning for sympathy.
Fear is fear, now it?s here.
It?s time for some apathy.

I may think of you from time to time
But I?d cut off my hand before I reach for yours again.
We never touched.
We never touched?

And who was the one
With the matches and gasoline?
A sleek smile, and a pair of devious eyes.
Your lies master your disguise.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#2
so... no ones gonna even attempt to crit this?
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#3
Quote by fenderfreak101
so... no ones gonna even attempt to crit this?


Dont bump...


Quote by fenderfreak101

A thousand questions in my head
Who was the culprit?
Who was the victim?
Was I so wrong in thinking
That the world would never change?
That was awsome, but the number Thousand is a bit too tipologic, try other numbers or even nouns. the lines are arranged nicley and I find it capturing.

I?m getting tired of all these songs
With each verse moaning for sympathy.
Fear is fear, now it?s here.
It?s time for some apathy.

first of all, dont get all positive enough about your song and go ahead criting others like the first line of this verse. meaning wise, it's good.

I may think of you from time to time
But I?d cut off my hand before I reach for yours again.
We never touched.
We never touched?
that line that repeats itself just doesnt click for me, the first two lines are well said.

And who was the one
With the matches and gasoline?
A sleek smile, and a pair of devious eyes.
Your lies master your disguise.

Perfect ending, taking it to the edge, it gives a feeling like it ahs reached it's ending.


If you would like to be nice, just click the link in my signature .
...And The Nominees Are
#4
Thank you for the crit

And as for the first line in the second stanza, it's meant to be in reference to the last 3-4 songs I've written, which were all terribly depressing haha. Im not that arrogant

Thanks though. Ill get to criting yours when I have free time.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.
#5
52 views, one reply...

sad.
And if ever You come near, I will hold up high a mirror.
Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as You.