#1
This is a first, so go easy on me..

-winces and waits for the backlash-


Unspoken


Spoken words to silence..
Forever hiding through..
Why do people speak to me in reason?
When lie is all they do?

Should we hang on every word that
Makes us feel like now we should belong?
Love or hate this worthless world, killing softly,
One by one, this love undivided..
That?s unspoken..

Spoken words to feelings..
Forever hid by me..
People hide their trepidation.
But there?s nothing left to fear..
(Nothing left to fear..)

Nothing to say anymore to
Show you now, that I cannot be heard.
Now I sit and write the words
To show you now
That now I know
This love that I speak of..
Is unspoken..

Should we hang on every word that
Makes us feel like now we shouldn?t love?
In this world where age is rule
I can not say the words..
How I survive so ****ing lost is a mystery..

Is this love..
Unspoken?

Spoken words through silence unmatched..
Been here all this time waiting for you.
Spoken words through feelings unshared..
Turn around and walk away once more..

Is this love,
Unspoken?

Unspoken..


So yeah.. Whatever.. ><
Quote by mR JoHnLeT
Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded.


-:: Scribblings by the Candlelight ::-

Page I: Unspoken
Page II: Don't Tell Me (Your Unspoken Words)
#2
i think its alright, pretty good as ur first tho haha what might change it a bit more is how you seee it being sung, but anywho keep writting practise makes perfect.Dont go on what i say to much tho haha im not much of a writer ive only written one song and well it isnt to great.... actually kinda terrible haha check it out tho and tell me what u think, its just a few threads down call "Unfinished"
#3
i like the emotional tone you're going for, you definitely have a flair for the dramatic. the only thing is it strikes me more as a poem than lyrics, but i'm pretty stupid.
#4
hmmm it was different. I usually try and match a guitar to most lyrics i read but i had a hard time with this one...it's not to shabby, easy to read, but yeah overall not a bad job.


Althought the word unspoken is used...a lot it seems...like ten times if not more? but i never really noticed that till i read it twice so..haha..i don't know what to think.
#5
Definatley good for a first draft, but as a writer you should continue revisiting it and re wording it to have it all more closely tied together. Think of it as writing a 700 word essay in just 75. you have to get the whole point and emotion of the entire thing you want to talk about, withought loosing the listener...

I didnt quite read the whole think, im just giving some advice.
#6
Quote by listenloud86
Althought the word unspoken is used...a lot it seems...like ten times if not more?



Five..

><

But I can see where you're coming from with that. Cheers.
Quote by mR JoHnLeT
Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded.


-:: Scribblings by the Candlelight ::-

Page I: Unspoken
Page II: Don't Tell Me (Your Unspoken Words)