#1
Broken Wings

Verse:

The devil guides the lost angel
Her precious halo has altered
Now spread open your broken wings
And fly far away from this place

Chorus:

You?re gonna get what you deserve
All of it has blown up in your face
Falling down with broken wings
Karma?s catching up to you

Verse:

I used to believe in you
Found out you were never true
I was so wrong to put you so high
This will be the last goodbye

Chorus

Verse:

You thought you had me fooled
Now the tables have turned
Made the biggest mistake of your life
You are no blessing at all

Chorus
Room For Error

Shows
6.30.05: 3 Doors Down, Staind, Breaking Benjamin
9.22.05: Disturbed, Ill Nino, 10 Years
4.1.06: Sevendust, Nonpoint
10.2.06: Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Mars Volta
11.21.06: Disturbed, Stone Sour, Flyleaf, Nonpoint
#2
bump
Room For Error

Shows
6.30.05: 3 Doors Down, Staind, Breaking Benjamin
9.22.05: Disturbed, Ill Nino, 10 Years
4.1.06: Sevendust, Nonpoint
10.2.06: Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Mars Volta
11.21.06: Disturbed, Stone Sour, Flyleaf, Nonpoint
#3
bump
Room For Error

Shows
6.30.05: 3 Doors Down, Staind, Breaking Benjamin
9.22.05: Disturbed, Ill Nino, 10 Years
4.1.06: Sevendust, Nonpoint
10.2.06: Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Mars Volta
11.21.06: Disturbed, Stone Sour, Flyleaf, Nonpoint
#5
The verses are kind boring, but I realy like the chorus. Overall its a pretty cool idea, the verses just need some work.
#9
it's ok, there are some interesting parts, what genre are you going for

Quote by Rymaninthebox
Broken Wings

Verse:

The devil guides the lost angel
Her precious halo has altered


Chorus


why did you use altered instead of fallen, was you trying to avoid a cliche
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
#10
I agree that the verses are not so hot...a bit cliche and the rhymes seemed forced. Unlike the others, though, I don't much care for the chorus. You set up a lofty diction with the talk of angels and devils in the first verse, but then you throw in the phrase "Blow up in your face," which is really colloquial and informal. It seems to break the tone. And, maybe this is being nitpicky, but mixing "angels and devils" with "karma" throws me a bit. It's like mixing metaphors, when you blend thoughts from different religions. If you had done this more, it could have worked, but just doing it once throws me.
The nxet to last verse ("I used to believe in you") seems more like angsty high-schooler than songwriter.
#11
AAHHHHH yes angsty-highschooler...thank you,I was wondering how to phrase that ...I love the "devils/angels" Verse, but after that its sounding more personal...."a girl did you wrong in some way thing....and now look at you..."...would have liked to see more devil/angel type metaphores than just the 1st verse. but this has potential to be a good song with more work.....My latest is "Fly High" a crit s always appreciated.