This is my second set of lyrics crit 4 crit

It?s time

Do you have the strength
To fight though the pain
Can you find it inside
To deal with all your bane

The time when you campaign
Is when all the lights go out
Now you need to learn
To deal with your pain

I know it really hurts
But you?ll be alright
There?ll always be a time
When you?ll look back

I know it really hurts
It?ll be over soon
Just think of the words
No pain no gain

This is the time
When you see if you want it
This is the time
When you see if you have it

Now it?s complete
Everything?s all right
You got what you needed

So why not forget
The pain you went through
To find your grit

It?s time for you
To let your feelings flow
It?s time for you
To fight through the pain

If you fight the pain
Then you will gain
The power to
Overcome your bane

This is the time
When you see if you want it
This is the time
When you see if you have it
To be honest I just don't care for the song. Uhm, it just doesn't make me think, doesn't make me feel anything. Some pretty common cliches in there too. Besides that, I'll give a little advice.

The last line of the first verse just doesn't sound right. I can see what you're trying to say, but bane just doesn't seem to fit there. To me it doesn't feel like it's being used correctly. I think you were looking for a substitute for troubles, problems, worries, etc. But I've never heard bane used to represent such a wide field. Do you see what I'm saying, or not really?

I can't seem to get what you're trying to say in the first two lines of the second verse, either. It could just be me though .. I don't have any specific suggestions for that.

Like I said in my first paragraph, I just don't connect with it. It's a song about dealing with .. pain. Uhm, maybe it has potential but it's full of cliches. No pain, no gain, you need to learn to deal with your pain, etc. It lacks emotion.
This is incredibly cheesy. The writting isnt terrible but this has about every cliche imagineable in it.

It could work for a metal song but not much else....sorry man.

Crit my newest if you want...link in my sig.
rythim off is somewhere, as well as originility, i catch some cliches. but it is decently good... cant say i hated it... i do like the chorus as well as the tone, kinda like motivating

could u return crit? latest in sig
Pretty cliche.

Cut down on repeating words.

Cut down on how much pain he has.

Give us something good to show what he is feeling pain over.