#1
I just wrote this song. It just kinda came to me. Let me know what you guys think and hopefully I can make it better. And the title is just the only thing that came to me.

The perfect songs
Will never come to meee.
But I can try my whole life.
Ill sing these things I wrote for you...
OR ILL SCREAM THEM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS for everyone to hear!
And I'd hope that it was good enough for you.

Loves that lost the race of time.
Eyes that have bled tears blacker then mine
To write the song perfect for you.
I'll keep trying until you taste my pain..with every word I SING

So open up your soul
And break down those walls..that protect your heart from me
Let me in..
JUST THIS ONCE!
AND ILL MAKE YOU REMEMBER ME

ILL SCREAM THIS AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!
A...MILLION..TIMES
The perfect song
that will win those races we've had...but...failed
This way you will remember me...
Remember me.....

The song that makes you remember you love me.
And the song that makes you remember the times we had..

I WILL SING THIS SONG
A MILLION TIMES
So you will remember me
So you will remember me

But The perfect song...
Will never come to me.
Last edited by blackbird1256 at Sep 16, 2006,
#2
Dont take offence but, it seems as though your saying "let me love you" and then screaming at whoever you want to love

That last stanza is cliched as hell. Sorry for being harsh.
#3
haha na its ok i wrote it in like 10 min or less...just looking for some people to be harsh and help me write a better song
#4
Better with the changes....but it still has some flow issues. Not bad now, perse, just not my style at all.
#5
thank you once again for the comment. ill be working on it i really did just write it in 5-10 min lol so ill repost it one day when its done. or i think its better.