#1
I wrote these lyrics a while back, but I never really thought to put them up here. However, I wanted to see what others thought of them. I'll crit anyone who crits me. Cheers!

Tender touch of light, when angels provide certain promises,
Masquerading warmth, where breaths are shared between the two of us,
A place so safe that the stars above us shine so bright,
The looks we share, a pair of lifelines providing sight.

Wake up....

It's a perfect moment...

Blinded madmen twist, and grow into each other now,
With a face so close, memories intwine,
Softness lips, moist strawberries in the yellow sun,
Where time flows long, around each other we become one.

Wake up....

It's a perfect moment...


Faded memories seem so close at hand....
#2
Me like. I usualy dont like this type of structuring but you made it work. Very strong imagery, I realy liked the part about strawberrys.

"A place so safe that the stars above us shine so bright"

Last part of that line is a bit cliched though
#3
yea man i can feel this, agree with guy above too,
only thing i dont like is the perfect moment bit, every time i read it that anoying song by tiffany from eastenders ( dont know her real name and i dont care) comes into my head! but that might change if i heard the music behind it.
#4
That was great, everything was good bar the cliched lines mentioned above. I just think it deserves to be longer, and if you do decide to extend it, keep the metaphors rolling."Softness lips, moist strawberries in the yellow sun," i dont enjoy that line, frankly it scares me a little. makes it tacky, and this is to good to be tacky. heres mine :https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=434531
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, your eyes will get sore after a while."