#1
Karma Raped
Karma Raped
Betrayed trust

Karma Raped
Karma Raped
Illicit Lust

Karma Raped
Karma Raped
You explored his bed

Karma Raped
Karma Raped
I hold the smoking gun
As you lay dead...

Tell me what ya think please
Tom Morello > Adam

Adam>fax machine



(I'm a cookie in a caked up world)
#3
Quote by Retribution
Repitition is not something to be abused, and you repeat "Karma Raped"(stupid term by the way.) too much.

The ending is terrible.

The rest is just boring/typical.

Read the lyrics tips thread.


Ouch the harsh truth!
Tom Morello > Adam

Adam>fax machine



(I'm a cookie in a caked up world)
#4
Dude, "Karma Raped?" What the heck?

You repeat it way to much. Then you even violate the stupid line pattern you made up, at the end.

Horrible. You need to start all over. You could probably keep the same them, but man. Read the Lyrics Tip Thread like Retribution said. jallas knows her stuff, if you read that you could get a lot better. I know it helped me.
#5
Ok I get it,its pretty bad.I wrote it in about 4 1/2 minutes,and not alot of effort(obviously)went in to it...

Karma raped is a anagram of my name and I thought it sounded pretty cool...

I have a problem.Everytime I write lyrics,I think they sound cool.But usually,like a day later,I hate them.Not just these,but songs I've gotten pretty good feedback on.Is this natural??
Tom Morello > Adam

Adam>fax machine



(I'm a cookie in a caked up world)
#6
Quote by lespaul_rentals
jallas knows her stuff, if you read that you could get a lot better. I know it helped me.


just for the record, Alice didnt write all of the tips, they're a compilation submitted by a variety of members {though theres no doubt that Alice knows a hell of alot more about writing than I }