#1
I wrote this for my buddy he got canned the other day by his girlfriend and now hes depressed, I think it's got a weak bridge (a little cheesy)

Verse
How close is to close for you?
Without it I became entire,
I finally came to realize that when I knew,
I'm not crying I've got something in my eye,
It's an old one remember when I first said that?
We were at some kids house way in the back,
Talking about random stuff like music
When the opportunity came along she used it
To say that...

Chorus
Is it to late to say that?
Is it to late not to say it?
Would you even if I was broke or flat?
Would you let it out bit by bit?

Verse
Leaving like that and then getting broken
If it's so believable tell me then,
What were you doing two nights a week
When you were never with me?
You know I can never say no to you
But this time has been dead on a arrival
I hope this isn't the last time
Remember the clock just happened to chime?
You said that...

Chorus
Is it to late to say that?
Is it to late not to say it?
Would you even if I was broke or flat?
Would you let it out bit by bit?
Would you?

Bridge
If I was that guy who just didn't care,
And she was that girl who just didn't dare,
There'd be no need for these 3 a.m calls
Yelling and beating at the walls.

Chorus
Is it to late to say that?
Is it to late not to say it?
Would you even if I was broke or flat?
Would you let it out bit by bit?

Chorus
Is it to late to say that?
Is it to late not to say it?
Would you even if I was broke or flat?
Would you let it out bit by bit?
Would you?
Would I?
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
Last edited by calvinthecanadi at Sep 18, 2006,
#2
I liked it, but the questions were really annoying and I didn't like em with the song. However, I got the direction you were going with the song, so they seemed like good things to write, but questions in a song, especially as many as you have diminish the potential of the song. WOuld be better if rewritten without ?'s. But it's only my opinion, but it was still a 7 out of 10. Please crit mine: Marguax. Thanks!
#3
good song, i love the 'I'm not crying I've got something in my eye' line. and as for the bridge and being cheesy...obviously cheesy works sometimes, i really liked it and would probably like it even more if i could hear the music along with it. very good song overall. 8.5/10. please crit my song it's called A Different Life and i posted it last night (Saturday) thanks
#4
Thanks guys I'll get right on yours and MilichichiBass I know what you mean that it gets annoying.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#5
A couple of things here...you said my lyrics sounded more like a poem. I don't recommend writing a poem, but write it in a poem form. Don't think of it as a song, just write the words (if you want it to rhyme or not) and then you can assign certain things as chorus or verses. Try to use alliteration (like a repitition of a consonant sound: "Dad doesn't drink and drive"...etc.) and other literary terms. It just helps a lot when writing, I don't even really do it consciously anymore, that's another thing, don't think too much. Just write what comes to you, it'll make sense to you and can be very coherent or symbolic. Good start, I look forward to more of your stuff.
#6
Thanks for that, I think I know what your trying to say but every time words (or lines, songs etc.) come to me, they sound like there from the brain of a five year old with ADD.
If The Archers Bows Have Broken, Then I Hope To God They Know How To Fight.
#7
Quote by calvinthecanadi
Thanks for that, I think I know what your trying to say but every time words (or lines, songs etc.) come to me, they sound like there from the brain of a five year old with ADD.


Write them down, if you're not happy then modify them, if you are don't be so apprehensive to use it.

#8
well i like the way the piece goes, but i agree completely with the overuse of teh the questions....to me it makes it seem more like a story/poem. I think the storyline could work very well written not necesarily diffenent, but just with a little more time put to it....sorry if that doesnt make sense, dont know how to say what i'm thinking, overally pretty quality though
#9
Thanks for the Crit, I like the time reference in the chorus :-)
Quote by marsvoltaguy
i say both. you always have the option to not use the pedal at all but it will still be there like that obsessed chick you took to homecoming and never called again, sitting there waiting for your call. so yea both