#1
Ok, this is only the seconde peice i have written(my other being trapped), so please comment on it. i want to have a good idea on what people think about it so that i can improve it. So here ya go...

The Battle Lost

Unwilling to survive in a heated battle
you will stop at nothing to get what you want
looking into your eyes,
stooping to the ground,sword at my feet,
They are darkend with lies.

Swiftly you draw back your sword,
a glint of light shines off the blade,
as it cuts through the air
i reminise on the day,my end is near
my thoughts are scattered.

My eyes are blurring.
The past hours are slipping by.
The way the world is,
i would rather die.

I watch the events unfold,
our conversation leading to disater
words and sentences stumbling;about to trip
disagreement leads to argument.
A war of a thousand ships.

my vision grows blank,
memories erase from my mind,
word start to loose meaning.
A smell rises through the air,
a sick aroma of my own being.

There ya go! I hope you like it. Leave a comment on it, tell me waht you think Im talking about, and whats fuzzy to you.it helps me a lot to understand what the reader needs.
Me-You're a fucking retard
retard-DURRRRRRRR!
Me-So you agree?
retard-DURRRRRRRR!