#1
Hey there. I've browsed these forums before (mostly guitar), but I've recently been going through alot of things in my life, and I've wanted to express my feelings somehow, so I thought I might as well get an actual account!... anyways, this is my first attempt at song-writing, be as critical as you want!


[Verse1]

This time in my life is coming down
I don?t know what to think
Suppose I should try to come around
Too weak to stand up for what I believe


[Chorus]

All this time
Never knew what I had
All this time
You were right there

[Verse2]

Don?t know what to feel
Can?t go on like this much longer
Wasting away like this is surreal
This can?t be the END

[Chorus]

All this time
Never knew what I had
All this time
You were right there

[Bridge]

I?m tired of finding excuses for what I?ve done
Tired of nothing to believe, it?s all just begun
You believed in what others couldn?t see, you believed in me

[Chorus/Outro]

All this time
Never knew what I had
All this time
You were right there
Standing beside me
Searching my soul
Just want you to know

*edit*
Added the song parts, and a third line to the bridge
Last edited by KoniaX at Sep 17, 2006,
#2
I think this is one of those times when the above average structure outshines a relatively dull peace. I mean, it's not terrible, but the ideas are pretty overdone, and the structure, even though is pretty good, is still pretty basic. For a first time, I'd say you have much promise.
LISTEN:
A Myspace introduction to:

LEARN:
It's not always rainbows and butterflies,
It's compromise that moves us along. -- Maroon 5
#3
I agree.

A theme that's rarely done originally, and while there are a couple elements that make it stand "above average" as aforementioned, it's still pretty bland.
Keep going.
Away Message: I fell out of my chair, this may take awhile.
#4
Alright, thanks alot for your comments. I really don't want you guys to write this song for me, but can you give me any specific suggestions? Is there a rhyme scheme in there that doesn't fit well? I know that the syllables in the lines don't add up nicely, but it was mostly done out of feelings, without the proper words to express it... I'm gonna look it over again in the morning. Again, thanks very much for your comments.
#5
you could try using a thesaurus and finding synonyms for the proper words that fit better or have more/less syllables. overall for a first song i think it is pretty good i'd give it a 8/10 in the beginner's category. please crit my song, called A Different Life, posted it last night (saturday) thanks and keep on writing more.