#1
plz crit:

Twenty one and having fun
Some people never learn
Gasoline and nicotine
For my own life to burn
Suicide lover living under cover
Of a painted polyester smile
Life's a crime and then it's time
For the madman jury's trial...

#Welcome to your life in hell
Would you like to have a party?
Here's the place you know so well
So would you like to get it started?

Wake the seed of a brand new breed
A generation born to waste
A broken home, the epitome
Would you like to have a taste?
Mama ruth spoke half the truth
But i guess that's all she knows
And when you leave, noone to grieve
That's just the way it goes...
#4
I like it.
Songs learning:

Far Away - NickelBack

Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers

100 Years - Five For Fighting
#5
Strangely enough, this writing style is very similar to a friend of mine's poetry. I like it, lots of adjectives, a different flow than I'm used to, with the rhyme on the same line and then the rhyming of alternate lines. Far better than I can do. I don't really like the chorus all that much, even though it fits, it just seems to be far more typical than the rest of the song. I can't really put my finger on it, but i don't like it. The verses are good though. Sorry I can't say much more, but I'm not to great at this.
I would really appreciate it, however, if you would look at the song I just posted:Life
#6
yeah i'm not too fond of the chorus myself but i'm terrible at writing them. any suggestions are welcome though..
#7
Quote by Kidzelda
Strangely enough, this writing style is very similar to a friend of mine's poetry. I like it, lots of adjectives, a different flow than I'm used to, with the rhyme on the same line and then the rhyming of alternate lines. Far better than I can do. I don't really like the chorus all that much, even though it fits, it just seems to be far more typical than the rest of the song. I can't really put my finger on it, but i don't like it. The verses are good though. Sorry I can't say much more, but I'm not to great at this.
I would really appreciate it, however, if you would look at the song I just posted:Life


eh? an abcb rhyme scheme is hard? anyways. Its just another song, nothing special or extra ordinary. and its not horrible either.